Okay, in the interest in equality I have a problem with my mother and my mother in law...

[ELF1981]

Okay, two seperate issues, not sure how to resolve them (they're not big or massive issues though!)

• How do I stop my mother spending too much money on my dd? She's only 19 months old so doesn't realise the value of the spend, and it isn't to do with the idea of her growing up spoilt. My concern is that my mum is wasting her money. In the past two weeks, she has brought her about 30 outfits. Most of the time mum has been saying "oooh, its for holiday" depite the fact we're only going away for a week! I do appreciate her buying things (we hardly have had to buy anything!) but tbh dd is getting chance to wear all the clothes and they're just going to waste. I dont want to upset her - how would you tackle it?

• As for the mother in law (one of two that I have!) well, its more the quality of things that she buys. She doesn't buy clothes, it's more toys for dd esp from when she has been on holiday. In the past we have had a cactus and yesterday it was one of those yapping dog thingies, but its quite poorly made and certainly not safe for dd's age - the eyes are pratically hanging off and the screw holding the battery in fell out today. How do I tactfully get rid of the pressies without hurting her feelings?

To you dm you just say 'fgs mum get a grip, there are children starving in the world', please just buy dd 2 outfits a month'

For your mil you just say that some of the toys are too old for her and you are putting them away until she is a bit older.

I have tried the putting toys away line but surely at some point she is going to ask me to get them out!

Your mother has a problem if she is buying 30 outfits a month for a child.
Bloody hell, mine don't have more than about 6 "outfits" at any one time (eg per season!). You need to tell her - Mum, you are spending too much on dd, she will never wear them, and frankly I'm worried that you are shopping so much.

MIL you just chuck out the presents. When she says "where is the singing cactus?" you say "oh dear, the battery and screw fell out and I had to fish them out of dds mouth- isn't it shocking how toy standards are so much lower in portugal than in the uk, poor little portugese children. Pity, because it was a great toy".
She will get the hint eventually.

I can't put it better than PrincessPeaHead (what a name!) - and agree that your mother has some issues if she's buying clothes for anyone at that rate. That's more of a problem than the amount of money she's spending, IMO.

PPH - the issue with my mum is that she doesn't really have anything else to spend the money on. They're very comfortable financially, have no mortgage or bills etc so all cash is surplus! I will try to limit it in a nice way - I really dont want to sound ungrateful!

With MIL - I love the answer!! For xmas she brough dd a xylophone with two stick thingies which the ends came off and when dd snapped one it was really sharpe wood. She was only 14 months then!

I have similar with my MIL and SIL. I am now getting the first strike in, so say to DH, "tell your family that we are going on holiday / DD has started ballet / DS has started tennis/ DS loves pirates" and before you know it the kit arrives.

But, I have to send a list in September for Christmas!!!!

I also gave them a baby bond donation thing and said that we were going to struggle financially later on when they are both at uni (ha, fat chance - more like when they both want a year out) - and it would be great if you could put money aside instead of buying x as that would be far more useful and face it nana, DD will be able to thank you when she is 18.

BTW - we're not talking expensive things here, it's George, Matalan, Tesco etc which I dont feel too bad about when they get stained by spaghetti sauce!

yes MIL is very easy. you just have to be completely outraged on her behalf that such a fabulous present should actually be so inexplicably dangerous and crap.

tell your mum to limit herself to a couple of things each month and put the rest in your dds child trust fund!

Sounds like they are opposites. Love pph answer for MIL will it work for your mother? Can you not just take some of the outfits back ask her for receipt say they don't fit. I have same prob with my Mother (not clothes other stuff) and havn't been able to stop her so far despite being really blunt about it so will be watching this for advice.

gingersj did the same with my Mum made no difference what so ever.

OK, so make the point and leave a whole bunch of outfits out or toys in their boxes unused and say "Oh DD just does not need these, I thought I would give them to charity"

Might annoy her, but she'll stop.

some of the clothes will be in a larger size so dd will grow into them. I'm hoping that when my sister gets pregnant then my mum will share her spending. I love her and really appreciate what she has done, but it's getting a bit much.
I will deffo try that with MIL.
Luckily the other MIL (Dh's step mother) is middle ground and gives me no hassle other wise I'd be in meltdown!

Have picked up stuff and thrown it in the bin in front of her. Have given it back. Have left it unwrapped where she will find it. I'm still waiting for it to stop It really does annoy me

This is interesting for me I came here to post about this tonight so thanks ELF

glad I could be of help

My mum does the constant buying thing as well - I talked to her about it and she says it's because they never had enough money when I was growing up and she's now able to indulge DD (and herself) by buying things. Also she's now regretting refusing to admit I was a girl and dressing me in trousers (radical feminist at the time, now mellowed) and so buys tons of dresses. But I've agreed with her that she can only buy ONE thing per visit and so far she's stuck to it.

With MiL, perhaps you could try the 'try as I might my child only likes this of toy (pick one like Fisher Price that is reputable'.

Like your idea chocolate

that could be a reason behind it. My mum is the eldest of six kids and they were very poor growing up. She used to tell me stories about how they'd search down the sofa the day before pay day for change that may have fallen out of somebodies pockets so they could buy some egg and bread for tea. Which is what I have always put her rediciously stocked kitchen down to - she could feed the 40 thousand. So perhaps this is another knock on effect from that?

Elf - could be - talk to her about it. Explain that you know you and your daughter are loved and that hugs mean more. You may have to say this several thousand times for her to hear you but it is worth persevering.

Sorry, I am entitled to an opinion and I do not think that I was jumping on her.

Crap, sorry, wrong thread!!

On the subject of MILs, has anyone had to live with theirs temporarily?!