Dad left me

[Kayzarimya1]

My baby is six months years old and just starting to be more active. Me and my partner haven’t been as intimate and since having the baby I have felt down. I’m always tired and fed up. My partner doesn’t work so we haven’t got much money, we haven’t been on a date since November 2016 just before I got pregnant. All we do is stay home. He contributes £100 a month for the baby but very rarely does he contribute to the home. I find it hard supporting both of us but I do not complain I just encourage him to get a job or start a business venture with something he likes. Many times I spent my last £10 on him for food. He sleeps all day and stays up at night. I sleep at night and up during the day so we clash. I haven’t been out much with the baby as he didn’t want the baby out. Being inside all the time, having little money has taken a toll. I have anxiety attacks when I do go out as I have stayed in so long. I started not caring for my appearance and just lacked motivation. I would clean and cook look after the baby and not really take care of myself. I got myself into slight depression. My boyfriend has now left me as he says I don’t put enough effort to my appearance and has now left me. He says I’m lazy and need to get my fat arse out and about. Since hearing this I know I need to get out more, exercise and do hair instead of sitting at home in dressing gown. Do you think he was right to leave me because of this?

Sounds like he’s a selfish lazy idiot. Why was he not looking for a job instead of sitting on his backside all day. Think that he’s done you a massive favour but now you have to get out of the rut your in. What about a daily walk to the park to start with and building up to joining a mother and baby group?

And make sure he keeps paying you maintenance.

No he wasn't "right to leave you" because of those things but he has done you a favour. Sounds like a complete waste of space and you're better off without him. Do you have any support in real life to help you get back to normal and start venturing out with baby?

He can leave for whatever reason he likes. I don't think your missing out on anything though. He doesn't exactly sound like a catch!

If he doesn't work you won't get much in maintenance unless he agrees to continue to pay you £100? Will he?

DO NOT EVER TAKE HIM BACK

You are exhusted and you may have PND go to your doctor and tell them how you are feeling they will give you questions to answer to determine your score to assess PND
He needs to grow up so many men can’t handle all the attention going on THEYRE child and he needs to get off his fat backside and get a job to auooort HIS family.

I’d not have him back if he loved you he’d see you were struggling and suggest you see a doctor

If you anxious about going to a Doctors ring your HV ask her to pop in and see you she can do a PND test

I had PND 13 years ago and didn’t realise until I burst out crying at my baby’s 6 week check up in the Doctors surgery all he asked was I okay lol

Please get some help and don’t let him back unless he grovels xxx

ive Started walking in the park so thanks for the advice. Will join the baby group to get some baby/ adult time with other mums. That is a good idea. I think deep down I know the break up is the best but not sure if it’s all my fault. So wanted to post for honest opinion. Does the dr prescribe antidepressants for post natal depression? Will it look bad on my record If on treatment with dr? Don’t know if we ever came to custody battle he could use it against me.

Not your fault no.
Please see your GP to see if you have post natal depression.
Don't let it go undiagnosed.
He's done you a huge favour.
Hopefully his departure will help lift your mood a bit as he was clearly bringing you down.
You will be so much better off without him in your life.
Are you claiming everything you are entitled to?
Please check with CAB on this.
Council tax will be less for 1 adult in the house etc....
So get your bills down as much as you can.
Keep him gone.
He's a no good, lazy, manchild.
And he's a terrible example of a father figure for your DC.

If you want to get more active and have more of an interest in your appearance for you, great. But don't do it for him. He is not a prize you want to try to win. No decent man would walk out on his partner and his 6 month old child like that. No decent man would sit back and allow his partner to raise his child and take care of the home alone. No wonder you're depressed. That loser evicting himself from your life may well turn out to be step A in everything improving for you!

The best thing to happen is that this waste of skin has walked! You will get out there and you will grow in strength.

He HAS done you a massive favour.

NEVER EVER LET HIM BACK IN YOUR LIFE

Don’t know if we ever came to custody battle he could use it against me.

You could use it too. Say that you were depressed because of the emotionally abusive relationship you were in, which I think is probably the case.

Hi there,

Book a doctors appt, GP’s can give anti depressants for PND

It is good you are focusing on getting out in the fresh air/meeting other mums.

It is easy to blame yourself, please DO NOT ...... what kind of adult stays up all night and sleeps all day. Your ex’s negative energy has had a massive impact on you.

Speak to your GP & look up Homestart online - it is a support group for families.

Make sure as a previous poster mentioned you are getting all benefits you are entitled to.

Look after yourself

Don’t know if we ever came to custody battle he could use it against me.

No, absolutely not. It would actually show that you are a better mother because you are asking for help and accepting support.

Also, there's no way this lazy oxygen thief is going to try for 100% residence.

Your not going to be judged if you have pnd and if you have it's best to get help ASAP. You might just feel better once you had chance to get yourself straight

This waste of space cocklodger has done you a massive favour in leaving you. It sounds like he was a millstone round your neck. He tells you he didn't want you to take the baby out and then he is telling you that you need to go out. You and your baby will be so much better without him. Bet your depression gets better real quick without him in your life.
I doubt he'll go for custody, he sounds much too lazy.

Thank you so much everyone I’ve got some really good advice and feel empowered to start this journey of getting my life back together. I have heard some home truths that I needed to hear so thank you again everyone xx

What a lazy bastard!! what right has he to complain about you when he carnt be bothered to get a job!! Let me reassure you i have had a custody battle (been to court twice regarding the children and i was at the time on anti depressants. I had also been involved with the mental health crises team, this was never brought up, ever.

That’s good to hear as for that reason I was reluctant to get help.
Thanks