Fall out with brother, advice please

[Redparrot1]

So here goes..
I fell out with my brother 3 years ago after finding out that his 14year old daughter was pregnant and I questioned his partner on why she had let this happen (months before she had told me that she had found out her daughter was having sex and not taking the pill properly, she also forgot to tell my brother this at the time) there was a big argument which my brothers partner got physical with me and my brother had told me that I deserved that and that I was now dead to him. I agreed that I didn’t want any more to do with him and since we have gone our sepearate ways.
My mother however is not happy about this at all and has been having a go at me regularly to sort it out with my brother. As I keep telling her, I have no interest with fixing things and that I actually prefer it without my brother in my life as he is drama. I try to not make it awkward for my mother as I don’t slag him off and if I do see him, if he speaks I will speak back.
I’m due to get married next year and my mum is pressurising me to invite him but I do not want him there, again he has drama wherever he goes.
I really don’t know what to do. Personally I prefer him out of my life but I know it upsets my mother

Lizzie would you generally advise writing a 'letter of apology' to somebody when they've said you deserved to be physically attacked and that you are dead to them?

OP has already said she doesn't want to be involved with this person anymore so I don't understand why people are trying to guilt-trip her into apologising to them!

Hell no.. don't be putting anything in writing..

No, I meant to apologise for her part in it. I've said the DB and his partner were very much to blame and violence is never justified. (They fell out with the OP's DF as well.)

At least it would get their mother off her back and put the ball in her brother's court.

Otherwise just tell your mum to mind her own business.

I think a lot of people are not understanding that, it wasn’t because my niece was pregnant, the issue was that I was calling the partner out for lying, which I don’t feel sorry for.
I’ve had 3 years of my mum badgering me to sort it out with my brother and it’s starting to take its toll now.
If anything, I could probably sort it out with my brother, but could never imagine sorting it out with his partner.

OP.... you knew the Partner 'nieces Mum' was lying about knowing she was sexually active months before falling pregnant and she bare faced lied about this knowledge... and also didn't get her daughter help in contraception like she also promised to do....

Sod any apologies... I'd never want anything more to do with them either.. tell you Mum to stop harassing your wonderful Wedding plans going on about it...

flippertygibbett Maybe u should read a little more..

I did read the rest, but stand by what I said first.

You caused the argument by voicing an opinion about something you had no business voicing an opinion on.

the issue was that I was calling the partner out for lying, which I don’t feel sorry for.

This is entirely different to what your original posts says!!

after finding out that his 14year old daughter was pregnant and I questioned his partner on why she had let this happen

Either you did comment in an inappropriately judgemental way on their DD being pregnant or they have misunderstood and thought that's what you were doing (as opposed to just calling out your DBS partner).

I'm not condoning your brother and his partners reaction, but you need to accept that you are as much to blame for the falling out as them, if not more as the main instigator. Your posts come across as though you don't think that you are in any way to blame at all?

I don't believe the OP has anything to apologise for...

I don't think the OP cares how much she is to blame for the row which was, it transpires, about the partner's lies as much as the pregnancy itself. The fact is her brother is an arse and she wants to be shot of him.

She's an adult and if she doesn't want him at he wedding that's her call.

She just needs to man up with to her mum.

You’re all adults. You and your brother seem fine with how things are.

Tell her to respect your wishes. To back off and not bring it up again.

“I’m not discussing this again mum and I ask you not to keep bringing it up”.

“Like I said, it’s not for discussion”.

“Mum, if you keep bringing it I’m ending this conversation. I’ve asked you to respect my wishes and I’m upset you’re refusing to do so”.

“It’s our day, we’re only having people there with us who we have close relationships with. DB and I are both fine having no relationship so we end be inviting him.”

“It’s our day, it’s our day, it’s our day. You have to respect my wishes.”

Tbh if my brother didn't do anything after his partner was physical with me I'd be done even if I asked my SIL why she allowed it to happen.

If my husband attacked my brother (unless in self defence) our marriage would be over.

So ...If he said it was my fault...He wouldn't be coming to my wedding and I'd ask my mum not to mention it anymore or I'll be forced to reduce my time with her.

OP..you did phrase your opening post as though his partner allowed your niece to get pregnant.... so I could understand her getting defensive..to getting physical is a very uncivilized response.

If you read the OP’ posts

• brothers partner (BP) found out DN was sexually active and not taking proper precautions
• BP talked to OP about it
• DB was not aware DN was sexually active unil several weeks later
• a few weeks after DB found out, DN discovered she was pregnant
• BP then disclaimed any knowledge of DN being sexually active
• OP called her out on lying
• BP physically attacked OP
• DB told OP that she deserved it and now has nothing to do with her
• OP is happy with no contact
• DM is nagging OP to make it up to DB

TBH the first post does make OP sound judgey but she explains why the argument happened. Personally if your DB wanted to make it up to you, he would have spoken to you nothing Sunday. As he didn’t, that’s your answer. I wouldn’t invite him unless he makes the first move. Saying something to someone either in judgement or pointing out their lying is one thing. Physically attaching is another.