Difficult FIL, any advice?

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Firstly I get on really well with my MIL, she's a pleasure to be around, a wonderful Granny and I love spending time with her, I often see her midweek on her own. FIL on the other hand is a bit of a dick in all honesty...I've known him for 12 years and he's always been the same since day 1, never made an effort, very cold, very blunt, very rude. I've tried so hard to get on and try to overlook his comments but I can't be bothered with him anymore.

The issue is that MIL keeps asking that every time we have a weekend visit to be with FIL, tells me he can't wait to see the dc. Trouble is he has a lot of hobbies that he simply won't ever rearrange. So we're left always working around said hobbies and then I resent spending time with them because it's always at the worst time. MIL however is very flexible and always free at the weekend.

DH never wants to work around him and is very much of the opinion that if he can't be bothered to work his hobby around us evenly then we shouldn't change our weekend to suit him. He's very happy to do this and happy to tell MIL and FIL we won't be arranging our weekends around him and still continue to see MIL when we can.

Trouble is I know this would upset MIL and I really don't want to offend her. But at the same time I'm very pregnant and soon with a newborn in the mix and working very long hours all week, I don't want to get up early on a Sunday when DH is happily playing with DC and have the house ready for visitors at 9am! Or have visitors in the evening which will always mess up our routine and we'll have to be up in the night then with dc.

Should I just let DH crack on and speak to them and explain to MIL when I see her on her own, that we aren't trying to be difficult, but it's really hard trying to fit everything in when there's no movement on FILs end? I know I'm bringing this on myself really because DH is the one who wants to say something to his parents, but I have a lot of respect for my MIL and worry about damaging our relationship.

I would not worry about damaging the relationship here because hopefully MIL will be reasonable here. You cannot actually assume that she would be upset and if she was, that is her issue and not yours to own for her. Let your DH speak to his parents about this matter.

My advice - let your DH run with this one. If they are his parents and it's his Dad that isn't making time for the grandchild(ren) then you shouldn't be trying to dance to his tune. Let your MiL see your kids as and when she wants/is available as it isn't inconveniencing you in any way.

Your DH is 100% right on this one. No need to explain it to your MiL either. I seriously doubt that she isn't aware of how inflexible her husband is about this.

I would just let your DH say what he wants to say to them, and you will still see mil so no loss there. If anything it might prompt fil to actually make an effort. If it doesn't well doesn't sound like there's much lost there either. Try not to worry, your babies come first.

Your DH is being very supportive on this. Let him deal with it. I agree with him in that if FIL can't rearrange his hobbies and be flexible.... it's his issue.

Let your MIL speak to DH about it. When the DIL says anything like this...they think you're the one being difficult..
always best to hear it from their own flesh and blood.

The default is often to blame the wife.

Let your DH handle his father, your DCs routine trumps everything when they are small. DH sounds great, give him a hug for having your back. Only person loosing out here is the creator of the problem who you don't like anyway. MIL probably gets grief from FIL but it sounds like if it weren't over this it would be something else and she'll have had years of this so it won't be new

We have this with FIL, makes very little effort to see is, always busy but MIL very much wants to be part of our life. She tells us FIL really looks forward to seeing us but in reality he prefers to watch tv on his own when we visit. I think he just isn't interested in us and MIL feels obliged to tell us he loves to see us. We now visit MIL when it suits us. DH isn't close to his FiL so he just communicates with MIL. Strangely FIL tells any one that will listen how close he is with his GC when in reality he finds them noisy and exhausting. The kids don't feel any affection for him

Leave it to your DH and concentrate on your soon to be newborn and maintain your relationship with MIL. Put FIL out of your mind. Don’t even speak to MIL about him. Leave it be. You’ve got enough to do. I’m with your DH on this one. If he can’t move his hobbies around then don’t accommodate him. See them at a time that suits you and if he can’t/won’t come then so be it.

This is an issue for your DH to deal with for his own family. I would imagine there is a lot more going on in the marriage between PIL. You don't want to be involved in that. This isn't your focus. Support your DH to make the choices he wants. He will appreciate a supportive wife and I expect his mother's love is unconditional for him and his wife and children.

Thanks all for your replies

I'm going to let DH crack on and speak to them about it. MIL is very reasonable so I'm hopeful she'll understand. The sad thing is, I don't think he'll ever make the effort to occasionally work around us, I think MIL knows this deep down and is probably a bit embarrassed by his behaviour.

We'll see how it goes!!

Your FIL is doing exactly what he wants to do, putting himself first so why should you feel guilty?
I think you are too nice and worry too much about what others think.
You are pregnant and need not to be in an emotional quandary.
You are shortly going to have too little time to think about this selfish pig.
It's good that your DH is protecting you, just let him go ahead as he has the right idea, relax, and put your family and yourself first. Hugs