I'm suddenly over it...

[epiphanytime]

So a long backstory that I won't go into too much here, but I have suddenly just had a revelation and I was wondering if anyone else had had an experience similar?

Just over 3 years ago I found out that the long term love of my life who I had just bought a house with was cheating on me. I found all these messages and have since discovered (over the years since) that he was sleeping around the whole way through our relationship. I used to always feel so so wronged (emotionally and financially as I took a hit there too), and starting over again (he got the house) was incredibly difficult. I have since found love and recently gotten married, and I couldn't be happier!! But I still held onto resentment and this feeling of being wronged. I am currently sitting in Starbucks and for some weird reason I realised that I don't have any ill feelings anymore. It is like all the dislike or hate (probably not been hate for a long time) have disappeared...if I saw him again (which I haven't since the awful breakup) I just don't think I would feel anything. It is like I suddenly don't blame him anymore?

I know that maybe this should have come a lot sooner, after all I have moved on and my new husband is wonderful but it just hit me like a sledgehammer this morning...

Can anyone relate?

I guess this time happens for everyone at some point in life. Still waiting for it to happen with my ex! Can take a long time so I don't think there's anything unusual about how long it's taken you, these things can be difficult to get over.

I think it can take between 2-4 years to recover from an emotional trauma(read it once).A friend whose ex had an affair and left her with small 3 children felt it was the right timeframe.By year 4 she was enjoying her life and only through looking back did she realise how far she had travelled and recovered.

I am 18months down the line and mostly feel happy, still legal ties to break but know in a couple of years it will be even better.
Resentment is a destructive emotion and once you can reach acceptance life feels happier.
Glad life is good for you.

It's a relief to suddenly realise I no longer hold onto any resentment...I didn't realise how much of a burden it was until I no longer have it on my shoulders..

I'm also glad to hear it can take 2-4 years so I'm not a complete freak for how long it has taken me!! I always felt that because I actively disliked his guy that I hadn't properly moved on...when in actual fact I was getting on with my life and am now married...

If I explained it to my friends I think they would be horrified that I got married when I still felt like this...

Being in a new relationship and now married may have been an integral part of your recovery process. I think the demise of a ‘big’ relationship is like a death in the family - it can be unexpected, it’s emotional, there’s paperwork : all the steps of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance rumbling on as you deal with your new situation and circumstances. I am very happy you have found yourself in a great new place - if I was your friend I would be ecstatic for you.