I'm 27, female and have come to realise over the past few months that I've been getting into relationships for the wrong reasons all my life (codependency).
I'm currently in a 2 year long relationship, he lives with me (he up and left his long term job and friends to move 60 miles to be with me) and I am currently financially dependant on him (disabled, no benefits, long story). No kids.
For the most part of my relationship I've felt something 'has been missing', I have never been able to put my finger on what it is. Just a slight empty feeling is the only way I can explain it.
Around 7/8 months ago I developed a new found love for Personal development which turned into myself started on a Spiritual journey. I love this path I am on, I have completely changed my life, it's just happened to me, I didn't 'decide' to do it.
This means I've turned to mediation, introspection, change of diet, alcohol cut completely from my life, I don't go out to pub's and clubs, I live an organic way of life, I study and learn and grow more and more as an individual. My hobbies and interests have completely changed and whilst my partner congratulates me he also says we are polar opposites and I spend to much time studying learning "My head is away" end the attention/focus has been taken off him which he doesn't like.
I'd like to go in solo meditation retreats now and again etc, once again, he doesn't like this idea and claims this path is one to be walked alone or with a partner with the same interests.
Since diagnosed with my medical condition (early 20's) I became nothing, I became depressed, I was training to go into the armed forces as I felt this was my destiny, I had friend's, a social life, a life at all!!! I then became something that just exists for years. I relied on my intimate relationships to bring me joy from life (heavy codependency). Now (presently) I'm finding myself again, I'm actually starting to realise my true potential, it's like getting to know a whole new person! I'm starting to realise I don't know what my capabilities in life are, I don't know my limits and it feels so liberating!!! I'm also starting college in September to start Psychology (paying for the course).
I feel I'm half way out of a codependency mindset (truly) and my partner (unconsciously) is still in one. His heavy reliance for emotional stability (e.g. "I feel second best to your journey, I wouldn't be able to handle you going away for a few week or going to these workshops, there's no time left for us") I feel is holding me back. I feel he's loving me conditionally.
Just to add also, I also have a deep sense our relationship has run its course. He's on anti depressants, we don't have a sex life, he suffers with childhood/combat PTSD, he has anger issues (due EMDR this year) but he does love me, that's very clever to see, wether it's true love or not though I'm starting to wonder, wondering if he loves me for his own personal needs.
Presently we are both distant and deciding what to do best for both our individual life's, it's awkward and a stale atmosphere, my intuition tells me to leave but I'm struggling, heavily struggling.
I'm sorry to drip feed all this it's just such a mess and a lot to explain so you get the full picture.
I hope you was able to read until the end, I understand if not.
I don't know where to turn anymore, everybody is giving me biased opinions, I really need some clarity with this situation 😞