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Pregnant and alone

16 replies

B46smile · 15/03/2018 00:44

Met a guy last year OLD was separated from his wife (6 months) but still at that stage at the marital home. We instantly clicked and started seeing each other when he could get out (Has 2 dds) 3 months later he finally moved out to his other house (owns a few properties) with much help getting everything needed from yours truly, and all the emotional support and listening to hours of constant moaning about how awful he's having it at home the entire time (obviously) yet bending over backwards to keep the wife happy and me getting an evening a week if I'm lucky!
Moves into his house.. great more time haha his childcare arrangements with ex are 50/50 and they know nothing of me absolutely fine by me atm... but when not seeing them we still only see each other once a week maybe twice. This caused me to have issues, and was starting to doubt the relationship.
Raised the concerns he agreed to why I felt way I did and didn't want me to end things.. great happy days as we got on so well in every aspect of the relationship.
I've thrown a great big spanner in the works for us both I had a brain haemorrhage which wasn't huge but affected my emotional state for a short time he couldn't cope with that, and then I'm 5 weeks pregnant last thing I want or need. Def not planned I'm in mid 40s and a grandmother he's mid 50s yes you'd think tubal ligation is safest you can be, it's not.
We've split up and things are very difficult he's dating already which proves I meant nothing, although he suggested being FWB as Sex life was best he had apparently... off was my reply to that!! im just lost and don't know which way to turn. Any advice would be great

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 15/03/2018 06:46

Does he know yet?

Minus2 · 15/03/2018 06:50

Do you want to keep the baby?

forumdonkey · 15/03/2018 06:58

For me, continuing with a pregnancy, wouldn't even be a consideration. Even taking away the fact that this man doesn't want to be with you, your DC's are grown up and you have had health issues and the additional complications of pregnancy in your 40s. If you continue you'll be in your 60s before you are relieved of child responsibilities.

Grobagsforever · 15/03/2018 07:12

I'd honestly consider termination. Don't tell your ex and block his number.

B46smile · 15/03/2018 07:36

Yes he knows I told him straight away.
I don't want any more children no, I had my DCs young by choice so i had my life later, ex was other way his dds are younger.
I don't think I could live with an abortion either, having lost several pregnancies.

OP posts:
B46smile · 15/03/2018 07:43

Tried going NC with him but he finds a way... says he loves me doesn't want to be without me but needs to see what else is out there as with wife 20yrs.

OP posts:
Minus2 · 15/03/2018 08:02

He needs to see what else is out there? How insulting. He will be no support to you if you keep the baby with that awful attitude.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 15/03/2018 09:00

This man does not care. He was dating you within .months of splitting with his wife, didn't even have the respect to wait until he had moved out, so it's not surprising he is already dating. It sounds all a bit full on and heavy for someone you've only met 6 months ago.
I'm not agreeing with him, he sounds a complete arse, with a shed load of baggage, but if he's come out of a stressful long term marriage I don't blame him for not wanting to settle down and have another child. And with all due respect you got involved in a situation that was ridiculously unhealthy. Why would you start playing emotional crutch and get so involved with someone who was still living with his family?
He is making it perfectly clear that he doesn't love you, doesn't care and has every intention of doing what he wants to do.
I think you need to come to this decision by yourself, based on what you want and can cope with. Personally at this age with added health complications and the fact that you will be doing it alone there is no way I would be risking my mental and physical health by going ahead with the pregnancy

B46smile · 15/03/2018 09:27

He'd been separated 6 months was seeing him a year.
Last thing I would want is to settle down with him either. I know he's very good at manipulating people to get what he wants and moves on.
I know what I have to do its finding the courage to do it and probably the straight talkers here have done that for me!

OP posts:
SavageBeauty73 · 15/03/2018 09:31

I'm 44 and there's no way I would risk my health or mental wellbeing having another child alone. He sounds flaky as fuck.

RipleyAlien · 15/03/2018 09:43

You’re on your own. I would expect zero from this man with regards to emotional support, financial support or contact.

LanguidLobster · 15/03/2018 09:58

He really sounds like bad news and that you should detach yourself

B46smile · 15/03/2018 10:04

savage he sure is!

Ripley emotional support was only 1 way see that more now! Financially he can afford it but wouldn't ask as so can I luckily, as for contact he does daily... he's a headf**k

OP posts:
B46smile · 15/03/2018 10:10

Mobile and home numbers in process of being changed, business number and email I can't without it causing me untold losses so will always have a way through 😟

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 15/03/2018 10:17

I hope you have people around you at the moment to talk to Flowers

Cricrichan · 15/03/2018 10:24

5 weeks is nothing, really only 3 weeks at most. It is a tiny speck but would mean a massive life change for you. And with no support and making it harder to find someone you can have a relationship with. And what if this child, due to both your ages, has special needs?

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