How do you "not be so serious" after having a husband?

[anothernamechanged]

This is a bit silly, but I've started dating someone after the separation from my husband who I was with for 12 years. I know not to be too "serious" with him, because it isn't yet, but my instinct is to be serious and familiar as it's what I'm used to. I just wondered if this is a common difficulty? Transitioning from a serious, very familiar relationship with someone to "dating". I've almost lost sight of what you would normally reveal to someone who you are "just dating". At this point I don't think I'm doing anything wrong or ludicrous, but I'm having to be quite conscious about not falling in to marital ways. Can anyone relate?

Completely relate. But sadly have no answers, just questions like you

Definitely can relate.

I held back basically everything personal for the first 3-6 months. My personal situation was just barely sketched out, it wasn't his business. We talked politics, society, history, books, films, funny stories about friends. and sex

Around 6-8 months I started to reveal more personal history stuff, family Dynamics, childhood stories, hangups. How I felt about my job, past, family, ex, etc.

Only when we were past 2 years did i go into the worst, really painful stuff from my childhood (csa).

On his side I'd say he only really started to reveal his feelings / vulnerabilities when we were well past a year.

It takes a really long time to know someone and it's so important that they EARN trust from you. Trust shouldn't be given as a matter of course. Esp when you are fresh out of a marriage and possibly still a bit raw etc.

Take it really.really slow and let yourself hesitate / decide not to share whenever you want to. You don't owe anyone any part of yourself x

OP - I don’t think there are rules or ways, or best practices.
I think it’s like in any other human relationship - it depends on you and how comfortable you are sharing and opening up.
Some people are more comfortable, others are less.
I think in dating specifically - it works out best when you are similar with the other person on that dimension. Either you both take a while, or are both an ‘open book’ types. Then interactions flow naturally, and it works.

Dating after divorce is hard enough. Don’t doubt or sensor yourself. You’ll know what feels right.