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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just left partner and scared ....

5 replies

percypig2017 · 14/03/2018 22:37

Hello

It's been a roller coaster of a journey for the last few years and now I have decided I'm getting too out of control emotionally and left my partner of 3 years.
He's in his early fifties and I'm in my early forties and I'm now fearing starting all over again which is overwhelming me. He's been married twice one 14 years the other 9 years. Me never married just engaged.

I had to leave as enough was enough when he went away with the boys and I was torn between mind games and being manipulated. I felt ill, disrespected and just vulnerable beyond words.
We have a house together and an adorable puppy. He will make my life a living hell should I want to keep this house. When he's cocky I ask him why, he says because he likes to get a reaction from me. Just like his step dad ...

His step dad bullied him since the age of around 5. He's a nasty controlling man who bullies everyone including his wife of 50 years. They have split the family up and made me think I'm lucky I have fabulous parents. However his digs, his remarks remind me of his dad. Just recently it's now mind games and control whilst he is away.

I'm trying because we have a house but my friends and family say he's doing this to get a reaction to upset you and he loves it. I feel that's true. I'm not sure why he loves upsetting me but there is only so much you can take before you think I'll get unwell at this rate. I feel weird like I don't know who he is. He use to call all the time when away, he use to text me now he just wants to play games and says I'm the issue. Physically I feel he's not making any effort and I am.
We had booked a holiday before this one and planned for a family too. He will be coming home to many changes and i can't go back I'm broken, scared and lost.

I'm hoping it gets better. I'm more worried about my age now ie too old to find love. He jokes I'm the oldest he's been with its with his jokes my self esteem has gone. I'm blessed with good friends and lovely family.

I feel worthless and scared sorry it's deep but I had to leave him. Anyone who manipulates, lies and mind games me makes me think is it more control than love? He's only just got worse I think because he thinks he can.but he's coming home to nothing and I have to stick to my word otherwise I'll be a wreck.

Thank you for reading....😔

Xx

OP posts:
Ryder63 · 14/03/2018 22:47

He will only get worse as he ages. As for you - you are still young! others will be along with practical advice re the house, but for your own mental well being, you are far better off without this awful man. His issues are HIS issues. We only get one life, and shouldn't live it trying to fix men like this.

percypig2017 · 14/03/2018 22:49

Thank you....I feel like I'm going mental....thats why I know something isnt right emotionally as this isn't me anymore!

OP posts:
ChickenMom · 15/03/2018 04:59

Get out now before you totally lose yourself. Don’t keep trying to understand why he does it. It’s obviously an ingrained pattern of behaviour. You will drive yourself crazy trying to understand the why. You know it’s not right and good on you for sticking up for yourself. He sounds like very hard work. You’ve got great friends and a great family. Don’t let it all be ruined by this man who obviously is very damaged

category12 · 15/03/2018 06:27

Get legal advice on where you stand with the house and then make plans to leave.

percypig2017 · 15/03/2018 07:11

Thank you I will do just that this week!!

OP posts:
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