I don't want my boyfriend going out

[whyohwhy111]

I find it hard to fully trust my boyfriend after he's done a few things to make me doubt him and I have a bad past with being cheated on and lied to that it's made it harder. As far as I'm aware he hasn't ever cheated but he has lied for no real good reason and done things he said he'd never do.

He just got a text from a friend saying another of their friends is visiting and whether he wants to join and then go out. We have this agreement that to make things work he needs to build trust. I'm really trying so much but he doesn't appreciate the little steps I take.

I obviously don't have an issue with him seeing his friends. My issue is going out. I asked whether he could go out and get the last train home (midnight) from London to where we live. We've done this loads. It still means he'd see his friends and I would feel less anxious if he comes home to me. He said no to this and it's just thrown me into an anxiety panic.

Any advice please? I can't stop this feeling.

I don't agree with you using your anxiety to try to control him. The relationship sounds unhappy more generally though. Are you sure you even want to stay with him?

You’re never going to trust him given that he’s a) generally not nice b) has form for lying. I understand the pull to try and control situations that trigger your anxiety but in reality you’re trying to control a person and that’s never going to work and quite frankly your bf isn’t worth the investment.

You do yourself no favours by staying in a relationship with this man, yes it’s hard to entangle yourself emotionally and financially but if you value your MH you would do it. This is who he is and you can’t control situations or mould him into something he clearly isn’t (trustworthy or insightful).

The balls in your court, accept that he’s lied in the past and will probably will again or move on.

Don't make do with an unpleasant relationship just because you have a mortgage. That's crazy. As long as you aren't in negative equity you can sell a house. You can't buy back wasted time.

knickerelastic

Blokes that go out drinking a lot aren't just out for a beer, they are hunting sexual opportunities. what a load of BS.

Op you sound very young, his behaviour might not be acceptable but yours isn’t any better. Imagine if a woman had posted seeing how anxious her dp gets if she goes out with her friends and want her to go home early. Posters would be rushing to tell her to Ltb.

Hunting sexual opportunities and snorting coke til his nose bleeds aren't really compatible. He probably just likes going out, like lots of people do.

@knickerelastic your posts are ridiculous and laughable.

Are you on the sniff knickerelastic ?

I've not been out in years (except date nights) because i've been in a happy relationship for years.

Men don't just "go out drinking" & it's so naive that women still believe this.

Besides any of that, he is wasting family money & time on a pointless exploit in a place where people usually go to meet the opposite sex.

Yes you sound delirious with happiness 😂

**knickerelastic - I even read your post with a robotic voice in my head

He isn't very nice to me but I don't know if that's because of my anxiety and resulting behaviour or his true personality.

so he's either a prick or he's a prick.

Most men cheat, it's in their nature. You just have to get used to it.

Men don't just "go out drinking" & it's so naive that women still believe this

I go out drinking. Sometimes a lot. I'm a regular in a few pubs.

Some of these responses must be from 12 year old boys, surely lol.

He lies, you don't trust him, there is no relationship here, you are just living on your nerves, please get rid, your gut is right, he can't be trusted.

He needs to build trust by letting you control his life?

Honey, your relationship is already dead.

WTF? Of course men go out drinking just to go out drinking and be with their friends. And - shock, horror, might even do drugs if they want. It doesn't mean they are bad people or are going to cheat.

OP - you sound like a complete nightmare and you can't treat your boyfriend like this. It's very controlling.

Rather than making OP feel bad about her behaviour and calling her names, can we recognise that she's probably suffering from a genuine anxiety problem? Sufferers of mental health issues shouldn't be demonised for behaviour that they find it hard to control. Please try to be sensitive to that.

Anxiety isn't carte blanche to behave however you want. Why shouldn't OP feel bad about bad behaviour; surely that's the only way she can change it?

@pigeondujour fair enough, point to the fact that there's a problem, but it doesn't have to be done/said in a way that suggests that OP is some horrible person with an inherently bad character.