Gaslighting?

[unicorns4eva]

I've ended my year long relationship and am wondering if I've been gaslighted. My EH gaslighted me (and still tries to but I'm wise to his shit now) but in a much more obvious way and this was much more subtle to the point where when trying to explain his behaviour it seems ludicrous that I had an issue with it.
For example: telling me I should parent DS (who was 2 at the start and now 3) differently, making remarks about how he's wrapped around my little finger and a mummy's boy (poor kid doesn't have a dad and me we has but that's another story) and I shouldn't be so soft with him. How he should be sleeping through, potty trained, not having naps etc. It all dented my belief in myself as a single mother and I started to question if I was doing a good job. He'd touch me sexually in public despite me saying I hated it and not to do it especially in front of DS and the last time he did it and I got annoyed and told him not to he literally stormed off and went and sulked because I'd rejected him, didn't find him attractive and was just like his ex-wife. Sorry but you don't grope me ever and you certainly don't do it in public! With sex he'd have to have the light on to some degree otherwise he couldn't keep it up, he'd not be able to orgasm unless I did things how he wanted them ie certain positions and even then it was unlikely and he would pitch a silent fit and sulk if I ever said anything that he perceived as criticism because that was just like his ex-wife. The overall message was that unless I did things how he 'needed' them he wouldn't be able to perform properly and although he said it didn't matter it made me feel like shit and I told him that I hated it and so he knew I wanted to avoid feeling like that and would therefore put up with things I didn't really like or feel comfortable with. He'd indirectly accuse me of controlling him by saying to DS that he was so controlling (he won't let anyone else get him out of the buggy or car seat) and "oh wonder where you get that from." He'd play the victim like above so that I'd feel guilty and not criticise or in any way make him feel not good enough. Any issues I had he turned them around and made everything about how he was the one upset and affected by what I was saying and how they weren't issues and I was unreasonable.
Is this gaslighting or have I lost the plot?

Sounds like it but he is abusing you none the less. He sounds awful.

I have never heard the term "gas lighted" but regardless you have 100% done the right thing as his behaviour was undoubtedly controlling and manipulative. As for touching you sexually in public and in front of your ds???? No way!!! Those two acts alone should be enough to make you realise that he had no respect for you whatsoever. He obviously had some sexual hang ups and needed certain things to stay aroused, fair enough if you were happy to oblige but from what you say you weren't. Gas lighted or not you are well shot of this guy. The last thing you need is a man who dents your self esteem. A huge well done for making the right decision.

That isn't gaslighting. Gaslighting is persistent manipulative behaviour and brainwashing, intended to make you doubt yourself, and think you're going crazy...you doubt your own sanity.

I came across an extreme case of gaslighting. A man who suspected his wife was cheating...she denied it...accused him of jealousy...said it was all in his mind and he needed help. She diagnosed him with Othello syndrome..(Othello suspected his wife was cheating and she wasn't, but he killed her because of this irrational jealousy) and made him an appointment with a therapist.

Your H sounds like he was jealous of your DS ..and liked to knock your self confidence... but I wouldn't csll it gaslighting.

He was undergoing therapy...but was still suspecting her if cheating with a specific person...he hired a P.I and of course he got his proof.

To cover her a**, she made him think he was going crazy.

That is indeed very extreme but gaslighting starts off subtle and progresses to more overt behaviour that is more recognised as otherwise the one being gaslighted would tell them to fuck off at the first red flag as it would be so obvious. I think I view the turning things round into me and making out my issues were not actually issues and that I was being unreasonable (like about being groped in public) are the behaviours that triggered the gaslighting question.

Not gaslighting.

Yea he's awful but it's not gas lighting

He sounds like a cunt. It's not gaslighting but you seem to be convinced that it is so do you have an actual question?

No its not gaslighting. I mean he seems to believe what he is saying even if its actually nonsense. Gaslighting is when someone purposefully makes you doubt yourself and question your own sanity whilst they themselves know they are doing that to you.
Not when someone just disagrees with you... even if they are a dickhead and they are wrong.
Certainly your ex was undermining, controlling and self absorbed. But doesnt fit the definition of gaslighting really. He was undermining your parenting but awful as that is it isnt gaslighting. Hes just a dick.
Well done for leaving him

Ah ok, lost the plot then