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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I a mug

27 replies

Wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 11:48

Well been with partner for 4 years and 2 years ago he cheated on me for a year and this morning I see he has been messaging someone on tinder. I’m very upset and sad.

He has done a lot for me and things can be stressful at home with my kids.

He is basically saying it’s my fault because I fall asleep and I just complain when I’m not receiving any attention. I’m just mad at myself and I do love him but he doesn’t really love me back does he. I’m 45 btw not some teenager

OP posts:
Original poster
wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 11:49

I will need help with no contact

OP posts:
CremeFresh · 14/03/2018 11:51

You're not a mug , just someone who's being gaslighted. It's not you its him. I used to fall asleep in the early evening when I was with my knob heard partner , since I left him , I rarely fall asleep now. Do yourself a favour and dump him .

Original poster
wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 11:54

I will need to use this as some crutch as I do not really want to tell anyone yet. I fall asleep because I leave for work at 5 30. He has done a lot as he keeps saying and I feel very heartbroken again. It’s so hard not to contact him

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Original poster
wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 11:55

He says he is messaging someone because he is bored

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PrettyLittIeThing · 14/03/2018 11:57

Well you will be if you forgive him again but obviously that's your choice.

pog100 · 14/03/2018 11:59

FFS, there are a hundred other things to do when your are bored without doing something that destroys your relationship. He is an idiot with no respect for you and you deserve much better. Go completely no contact, it seems that you are not financially or otherwise linked?

Ryder63 · 14/03/2018 12:10

FFS, there are a hundred other things to do when your are bored without doing something that destroys your relationship. He is an idiot with no respect for you and you deserve much better.

This ^ - x100

Shoxfordian · 14/03/2018 12:11

You would be a mug if you don't end it with him

Scrumptiousbears · 14/03/2018 12:13

You don't need a man like this in your life. He is a big twat.

Original poster
wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 12:16

Lol thank you. He cheated on me for a year also. He wasn’t working and was doing house things. He was texting her yesterday and yet not bothering to tell me when he was coming back. Funnily enough that really hurts x

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Original poster
wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 12:17

I seriously think I need help for my self esteem

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Mammy77 · 14/03/2018 12:34

You don't have to put up with being treated like this.
Don't let him blame you for his unforgivable behaviour.
Let him go and hold your head up high.
Plenty of fish in the sea... And all that. XX

Adora10 · 14/03/2018 14:05

Please value yourself more and get rid, he's probably never stopped cheating.

Original poster
wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 14:30

Yes I know. He cheated on his wife with her friend. I just do not understand why they do it

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Original poster
wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 14:37

I know. I just feel a failure. I loved him and I just feel I’m having a heart attack all the time xx I know I need to go no contact

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Adora10 · 14/03/2018 15:01

So you feel a failure because he's a dirty lying cheating scumbag, nope, makes no sense OP, it actually means you are 100% better than him.

Original poster
wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 15:13

I just wish I felt like it. I feel incredibly lonely so hurt. Is like I want affection from someone who has hurt me so much. He says I keep bringing the one he cheated me on with. But thats because he withdraws from me which makes my spider sense tingle. It’s not meant to be this hard is it

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Original poster
wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 15:32

I just feel very hurt and disappointed. I don’t want to feel that all men are like this but reading on here and having first hand experience. It’s seems they are

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Shoxfordian · 14/03/2018 15:36

Not all men are like this
He's a horrible example, as are most of the men posted about- nobody comes on to post they have a lovely boyfriend and everything's lovely so don't take the relationships board as a reflection of all men

Original poster
wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 15:39

I know. I just want the pain to stop

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Shoxfordian · 14/03/2018 16:00

It will do but you need to end it with him; maybe take some assertiveness training and some counselling would help

Be strong; you'll be ok

Adora10 · 14/03/2018 16:23

OP, he's not good enough for you and that's the bare truth. You have only been with him four years and have now caught him out twice, what about the other times you don't know about, sorry but you need to see him for what he is, a loser and a man that can't stay faithful, you know you can do WAY better than that.

Original poster
wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 16:31

I know. He just kept saying how much he did for me etc. And that he loves me and all the effort he has put in. But he won’t stay faithful. I know that. He cheated on his ex wife and she had to move because of the embarrassment

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Original poster
wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 16:36

He also told me he never wants to be married as his ex cleared him out. I should have realised what he was from the very beginning

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Ryder63 · 14/03/2018 16:45

We tend to believe the best of people until they show us otherwise. Not your fault, OP. We live and learn.