Is my wife cheating and am I stupid?

[charles10]

Hi all first I feel bad exposing my problem to you all I am sure you have better things to do, but I feel I have no one else to talk to. I have feelings my my wife for 3 months now is using me and cheating on me. Last we agreed that should will take some time of work to spend more time with her daughter, she asked me to give £600 per month for food, I pay also for everything else, her ex-husband give her £60 per month plus some sort of child benefits every month I need add more money to the £600, then we got married 3 months ago I paid the full wedding, now after 3 months been married she sleep very often in the spare room and go to bed without saying good night. She has become very distant and also accuse me constantly of cheating etc I have work away once a week and she think it’s because I have an affair, however to my surprise I have some condoms and holdup in her new handbag this weekend which makes me think she is cheating. I am become so lost but I need to make a decision I am trying to build a business and I want to lose everything I build. Thank you

It doesn’t sound good, sorry.
Can you talk to her?

How long did you know her before you got married, how did you meet etc?

600 sounds like a lot for food for a family of 3.

With the condoms ...she probably is cheating and she may well be using you.

On one of your working away days ...hire a PI to get proof because she won't admit it otherwise.

Thank you we have only been together for 2 years I feel so stupid at my age I should have left more time for both of us to know each other. I can’t talk to her it always up in a argument and my fault. I feel she is sometimes trying to create the argument and for me to say I am ending this relationship so become the victim. It’s so hard as I have such great bond with her daughter. She has told me that the condoms and holdup end up in bag because she toke a rubbish bag to the tip and it must have fallen over and she put them in bag by accident when her handbag feel in her boot.

If there was any doubt she was cheating, her ridiculous explanation pretty much confirms it. It is a totally bizarre excuse and the chances of it being true seem like single digits...

I also find very bizarre that of all the stuff that could be in the bag that went the tip the only 2 things that ended up in her bag are these 2 things. She is constantly accusing of looking at other women she also at a go at me recently because I spent £40 for drinks while away with my work colleagues telling me that she doesn’t have money and it’s not fair however she recently posted photo of her and a friend on a day out having drink. In fairness I am starting to really think I will be better by myself

It doesn't sound good.

Do you have children together?

3 months after getting married I would expect you should be sleeping in the same bed.

Do you have a healthy sex life with her?

And was she like this before you got married? Or did it all change once you married?

Well I sex life was fine I also feel like she has change after the wedding, she said she didn’t like any of the wedding etc, I am very worried because I have few properties that I purchase before meeting her and don’t want her to get anything if we divorce and she has cheated, I don’t think it’s fair

Never mind whether she’s cheating she sounds like hard work anyway.

But yeah condoms in her bag, her accusing you and the distancing herself all sound like indicators she is!

Plus man she’s taking you for a ride claiming £600 for ‘food’.

Wow thank you you are really opening up my eyes, I really feel because I don’t want her daughter to suffer from another separation

Yes and yes

Yes I'm afraid it does sound as if she is cheating. Anyway, even if she wasn't cheating, she is treating you badly by the sounds of things. You should not be this unhappy 3 months into a marriage. It sounds as if she's trying to get as much money from you as she can.

I think your instincts are right.

If she is cheating I hope for her it’s worth it

Cheaters very often accuse their partners of cheating to deflect guilt.

The condoms seal it. I would see a solicitor regarding her rights after such a short marriage. Oh and dont have sex with her without a condom. If she becomes pregnant that will make things a whole lot worse for everyone. ( if you say you are leaving she make start having swx in order to get pregnant)

Thanks again for taking the time to reply, I still can’t she could do that she is swearing she hasn’t when I met her she told me her ex-husband cheated on her and it was horrible, hence why I am so torn or stupid that she could do that

I had a vasectomy so it’s very unlikely we have kids

she's taking the piss on a grande scale... she's using you to finance her and her daughters life.. has she asked you to move out the family home yet ? it's coming.... trust me

I'd try and protect your assets if I was you.