Son asking about NC family

[InBlackwaterWoods]

Heartbroken today. my dad was round visiting today. DS (4) was saying Grandad is my dad etc and we're all family. so sweet!

Then he started asking about my sisters. I have posted about narc twin sister (twister) and my younger sis under a previous username, so to sum things up: I went NC 3 years ago after twin ignored my sons birthday 2 years in a row. She bullied/belittled me all my life, then slagged my wedding off on fb to friends and family, saying I was a joke and looked a knob.

Both sisters engaged in this slagging session, it was the final straw for me. Theres more obviously but thats the gist.

Today my lovely wee DS (who both sisters have seen 3/4 times in his life) decided to tell my dad about his aunty Jane (not real name). My best friend who loves him like her own.

touching but heartbreaking. Dad asked how I was going to explain my sisters to him. I have no idea!

Any advice please to explain them to a wee boy? Is it as simple as they're not nice people?

So bloody sad :(

My dad just used they busy with own famliy . He was the youngest and most of brother and sister they all had grandchildren my age . I have connected with some of my cousins on Facebook all weird fuckers and I am grateful I don't have deal with them in real life .
My dad was one of 10 and I did see the gay uncles who had stay at home to look after their mum.
I am in 50s now .
Do talk about them but just say they busy with own life .

Is it as simple as they're not nice people?

Honestly yes it is.

I'm NC with large swathes of my biological family and aside from telling my son that they are harmful, unkind people he has never questioned that or been bothered by it.

We are nc with my dd’s grandmother (my mil). We tell her the truth, though a simplified version until she’s old enough to know the details. We say we don’t see her anymore because she was unkind to us and hasn’t apologised and until she does, we aren’t being friends with her. That’s something I think most kids can understand. It’s more complicated than that really (her partner is a convicted paedophile, she lied to us about that so he could have access to our dd, though he never had any unsupervised contact, but mil doesn’t see why this was wrong, won’t apologise, is angry with us for making a fuss in the family about her partners past, etc). One day our dc will know the actual story but when it’s age appropriate. Now our oldest is 5 so the simpler explanation works. Unless he asks though, I don’t think you need to make a big deal of it. We never mention her unless our dd brings her up (she was in her life until 2 years ago, though our youngest has never met her).

re your comment:-

" Is it as simple as they're not nice people?"

Yes it is as NotTheFordType has already stated. Give your son age appropriate truth.

Children are often quite indiscriminate in their love which is why they need parents to guide them. Not every person is safe to have around and this is a good time to teach that important life lesson. The more matter-of-fact you are, the more matter-of-fact your children will be. When we act hysterical, they will usually reflect our hysteria. If you act anxious, they will act anxious. If you appear unsure, they will push. Model the reaction and attitude you want your children to adopt.

Do n’t tell him unless he asks, and he may well not ask. Few children think about their parents families

Is it as simple as they're not nice people?
I phrased it slightly differently by saying they were not nice people to me.

Is it as simple as they're not nice people?

Pretty much. DD has grown up with no contact with my MIL, as she got older the explanations got a little bit more detailed and now (at nearly 17) she knows most of what went on.

Thank you everyone.

He has asked, which is why I'm asking. I just wasnt sure how to word it without passing on my anxieties about the situation. My mum and auntie havent spoken in 30 years, I'm sad that seems to have passed on to our generation and dont want to pass it on to him. if that makes sense?

I'm going to go with they havent been nice to me, thats the best one I think. Great point about being matter of fact and not emotional.
Just so sad and unnecessary. He used to love playing with his cousins.
I do only mention it when he asks.

mindutopia

A convicted paedophile? Ugh. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

I think this is pretty straightforward.

You just say 'sometimes people in families get along and sometimes they don't. we get along with relative he sees so it's nice to spend time with them. I have two sisters who I don't get on with sadly so we don't see each other. It's lovely to have such close friends like auntie Jane as we've chosen to have her as part of our family. Family is the people you love, not just people with the same mum and dad as you'