in a pickle. how to move forward without hurting anyone

[username182]

Will try to keep this as brief as possible and would appreciate any advice.
I was in a lovely relationship with someone (A) all was going well and feelings developed over 6 months until he broke up with me to move away for work.
After we broke up I met someone else (B).
Things have developed there to the point we are going away together.
Spent time with A before he left and things got emotional he told me he loves me. I think he is hoping for us to get back together when the job is finished but I'm not sure when that will be.
A is in contact telling me he misses me and asking about my life and I feel awful that I can't be honest about the holiday with B.
I don't know if I should just tell him so we can both move on or keep it back and hope he never finds out.
I know this seems like a none issue compared to most. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't know what to do. I feel guilty like I'm lying by ommission by not mentioning the holiday.

You need to tell A that you're in a relationship with somebody else - for your own wellbeing and so that he doesn't invest even more emotionally in the idea of getting back together. I think it's fair enough to do it by text or email - just be kind but direct: "You've been talking recently about still having feelings for me; I need you to know that I've met somebody else and things are progressing there. If you were hoping to rekindle our relationship when you return then I'm sorry, but that isn't going to happen. I understand if this means you don't want to stay in touch and that may be for the best."

Don't let yourself get tied up in knots but equally, don't let him hope for something which you know isn't going to happen.

It is a bit unfair to B that you're in the kind of relationship where you're taking a holiday together but you're still investing time and energy on someone who is interested in you and you haven't told them it's not appropriate.

Would B consider you his girlfriend/partner?

Would you be upset if B was chatting to an ex who still wanted him, and hadn't mentioned you existed?

But he broke up with you ?

A broke up with you? I don't see the problem..

That is the kind of message I'm thinking of sending to A.
I just know he will be hurt but the longer I don't mention it the harder it gets.
He's a lovely guy and I wanted to be with him but it obviously wasn't meant to be. I don't want to lose him as a friend.
No B wouldn't consider me his girlfriend. It's not exclusive just getting to know each other at this point. What he does or doesn't do is none of my business.

He broke up with you! Why are you so invested in sparing his feelings in a situation of his own creation. Come on OP, A is hedging his bets and you’re being disrespectful to B. Why is being honest so difficult.

I don't know why I'm so worried about his feelings. Because he's a nice guy and us breaking up wasn't to do with his feelings for me but he couldn't not take the job.
I want to move on without hurting anyone or feeling guilty.
Trying to make a message to send to A now.
I don't want to make it about B and me being with someone else, it's irrelevant.
A did create this situation all the talk about feelings and missing each other is pointless and us being together is impossible regardless of how things go with B.

A broke up with you.

You met someone else.

A is keeping you dangling, he may not actually want to get back together anyway but just keeping you there as a back up.

Just tell A you're seeing someone. It's early days and not exclusive, but see what he says after that.

And go and have a nice time with B!

Not sure why you are tying yourself in knots about it.

ComtesseDeSpair has good advice.

Sent A a message last night. Didn't mention the trip or B but said I want to move on without feeling guilty.
I turned it to him and said I don't think us talking about getting back together is really fair and we both need to accept it's over.
The more I thought about it I was actually getting angry with him, he created this situation and I don't like being treated as an option or a fallback.
So it's done now. Read but no reply.
I'm looking forward to my little holiday and getting to know B.