Reported historic abuse to police (poss triggering)

[Lucyccfc]

After 40 years I finally picked up the phone to the police and reported the sexual abuse I suffered when I was 9.

My family already know (and haven't been very supportive). I keep my distance from them and am mainly NC with my Mum.

It all came out 8 years ago when my abuser (brother) phoned us all to finally tell us why he and his wife split up years ago. He sexually abused his 4 year old daughter and his wife found out. She spent years keeping it a secret until it finally took its toll on her mental health.

When he phoned to tell me, I said 'it doesn't surprise me, as you did the same to me'. He was shocked that I remembered ( like it's something you forget!)

Anyway I told him that I didn't want the family thinking his abuse was a one-off incident and he also had to admit to the family that he also abused me. They all now know.

I have spent the last 8 years with a bloody big weight around my neck over the issue of reporting him. Some days I felt strong enough to do it, but the fear always took over and I couldn't.

Why today? Don't know really, but I had a 90 minute drive to a meeting and it was all I could think about. I phoned the police as soon as I got home. My heart was hammering, hands were shaking and I felt sick. Told myself I wasn't going to cry, but of course I did.

I am making a full statement at the police station on Thursday.

I'm not sure what I want or need in terms of putting my story on here, but I just need to tell someone. My best friend isn't home from work until 7pm, but I'm going to see her for a chat as soon as she's home. She is my rock and will happily let me talk and have a cry.

Can't believe I waited this long to report him. The policeman on the phone was fantastic, so patient.

The shit will hit the fan with my family, but I have a wonderful, supportive group of friends to rely on.

Thanks for letting me get it all out on here x

First this links to some phone numbers for some helplines you can talk to. You can also phone the samaritans anytime.

Second, thank you for doing this, as at least having him on the police systems might protect my daughters and others from him.

Thanks Bekabeech. I've written those numbers down - appreciate it.

You have done a brave thing by reporting. You are protecting others and bringing some closure to what has been troubling you for many years. The police will be understanding and supportive.

In the area where I live there is a charity for children and adults who have survived sexual abuse. They provide support during process with police and also counselling, all free of charge. The one I know is called Family Matters, you may find a different one in your area or they can provide info for you. You have taken a very brave step.

You have done a very brave thing.

You said that this is going to cause problems with your family: well, it shouldn't. If anyone is upset or angry with you over this, they have a problem.

I hope the police treat you with care and sensitivity when you give your statement.

Be proud of yourself. You're brilliant.

You have done a very brave thing. All I can do is offer you a virtual handhold. Good luck

Thank you Ladies, your comments are very much appreciated.

I talked it all through with my friend tonight and despite her not being very well, she is coming with me to the police station on Thursday.

Glad you've got support from your friend. Hope your family do support you x

Well done, Lucyccfc 💞 Very well done. I hope it will finally being you some peace and closure even if opening up old wounds might be painful.

It will be the end where my family are concerned. My Mum has always supported my brother and had told me in the past how much he has suffered, as he lost his children (that's what happens when you abuse your daughter).

I am prepared for my family not supporting me and not being there - that's the least of my worries.

Spot on about closure - I just need to stop this going round in my head all the time. I'm such a positive person and I hate negative thoughts.

Thanks Ladies - I'm hoping I'm in for a good nights sleep after taking the first step. xxx

My parents supported my abuser too--our family GP who my mother had a long-running affair with (despite knowing what he was doing to her two daughters). It's liberating, reporting the abuse. I don't have contact with my parents anymore, and that's liberating too.

Well done, OP. I hope all goes well on Thursday.

Ontherise really appreciate you posting. It's touch when you know your family supports the abuser, but we just have to move on from it. I'll be quite relieved when all the family know I have reported him. He lives abroad and I suspect that as soon as my DM knows, she will warn him, which means he may never come back to the UK again. That would be nearly as good as getting him arrested and in court, so will see how things go.

I'm hoping it will be liberating too and I'm glad you did.

Thank you x

Hope it goes ok tomorrow
You're really brave

If you're seriously concerned your mother will warn him, tell the police. They might decide to not tell her until after they've already spoken with your brother.

I know this because that's what happened in my case. I was sure my mother would warn the doctor the police were on his case, so the police decided not to speak to her until after they'd spoken to him; then they found out he was dead, so she was never interviewed, which was a shame; she was never made to account for her role in the abuse. But there you go. Do tell the police your fears so they can make the best decision about how to proceed.

Thanks Ontherise. Interview never happened tonight - they had no police officer available, so booked in for tomorrow.

I have to be realistic that the CPS may not even take this further without any support from my ex-sil and a statement about what he did to his daughter. He will be classed as a child in terms of his offences against me, but much more serious as he was an adult when he abused his daughter.

The best outcome may be that my Mother tells him and he never sets foot back in the UK again for fear of being arrested.