Ex

[fruity12]

I left my ex last month
Together 3.5 yrs but he couldn't sort his moods out
The night I left he was so horrible
I've had to get me and my lo a new house, furnish it and now he's been in contact today as he wants to come over for a chat and a pizza ?!
He said he is sorting himself out, doesn't want to lose me, has been so upset since I left and now and only now he's realised and wants to get help so we can be together
I've been so upset at work

Have you had time to evaluate your feelings? Go with your gut.

Tell him to email you what he wants to discuss.

Is your dc also his? Is he paying maintenance?

I wouldn’t meet him till you’re in a calmer frame of mind and better settled. Also I would not have him in my home if he was aggressive (or at all if your not happy to).

Don't invite him into your house. If you want to meet him, do it somewhere neutral and public where he will manage his behaviour. But only meet him if you are interested in getting back together. If you aren't, don't agree to it. It's unlikely he has changed.

Agree - don't let him in to your lovely new house! Either meet somewhere neutral or not at all. To be honest if you're feeling that emotional about it, I wouldn't meet in person at all just yet, wait until you're more settled and stronger.

Don't forget how horrible he has been. It's really easy to rock up, and say 'Look I'm all sorted now honest' and then you crack and move back in and it all starts again... don't let him mislead you OP. It takes more than a month to sort out years of bad behaviour and 'moods' (if ever)

Be strong for you and your LO.

I'd be saying no. Try to go a period of time without contacting him, I always think that after a while you either remember what was good or can only think of bad things !

Part of the reason I finally decided to leave my ex was that he had eventually decided to change when I left. If he cared about me then he would have changed when we were together and he saw it upset me. I think that's important, he's probably suddenly realised he likes you living with him, not that he needs to change because he made life miserable for you and your DC.

I'm sorry that was so terribly written, I've a scrambley one year old on me 😂

Don’t let him into your new house. It’s your safe space and you’ve had to go through a lot to get it. He needs to prove himself first. What’s he doing differently? He at the bare minimum should be going to counselling every week to prove he is serious about changing

Thanks peeps
I've wrote here when I was splitting and everyone was great
I haven't been back on since as I have no internet at my new house yet
No I won't let him into my new house
He was verbally abusive and aggressive relationship
The night I left the police came and dispute moving in one week which he knew he made me leave the next day knowing I had no where to go
I had to live at my mums for a week until my house was ready
I'm so broken as a person and I can't believe someone would do that to someone you love yet a few weeks later say he's made a mistake
I can't link my other threads
I just needed to know I was doing the right thing, my gut says to move on but I'm incredibly sad and emotional

@fruity12 if the police have been involved then SS might be called if you let him back into your lives. If he's violent you need to protect your child from him.

(Which obviously you're doing)

my gut says to move on

Listen to your guts, they are right! You do not need this abusive man in your life.

but I'm incredibly sad and emotional

Of course, you are, you're human! You're had a really shit time. You've had loads of stress, had to sort out a new home and with all the emotional hassle that comes with a break-up.

Do not engage with him, ignore, delete and block!!! How is he getting in touch with you?

Please go with your gut feeling. He won't change whatever he says if he has been like it so long. If he does t will be artificial and eventually the mask will slip

If you must let him prove it, show you, words are cheap, personally i doubt very much he's had a personality transplant since you split, he sounds bloody awful, why you are even considering it is beyond me.

By text, he owes me money so have blocked him
From what's app and Facebook
Yes I can block his number
He doesn't know my address
There's no reason for the police to call ss
People argue and split up all the time
But I get what your saying

Because I was with him for so long
I love him
I believed in him

He doesn't appear to love you back considering his abusive behaviour towards you. Don't let him anywhere near your house. In my experience they NEVER change, no matter how great things may seem at first. I learnt the hard way. Trust your gut instinct and do what's best for you and your child. Things will be ok in the end. Remain strong!

Trust our advice please and our experience. THEY NEVER CHANGE!

If he reckons he’s changed tell him to pay you back talk means nothing.

I’d still not get back with him if he does pay you back tho.

OP, I was in a very abusive relationship and once I finished with the man, it was FINISHED and wanted it to stay finished, even the good times were fake!

He emailed me about missing - I blocked his email. He texted from a different number, silence was the best response.

It does not matter how long you have stayed with someone, no woman should tolerate any form of abuse. If you do go back, you are only confirming to him that you are accepting his behaviour - it will be good for a few weeks, sometimes even a few months and then back to themselves.

Give yourself time.

I'd ask him to clarify what he means by 'mistake'. Verbally abusing you over the past few years? Throwing you out with nowhere to go?

If he thinks he needs help, he can do that without you.

Ask him for a payment plan of the money he owes you. Don't get drawn in. He doesn't want the best for you. He wants the best for him.

I’m new to Mumsnet, I’ve read a few Threads from Ladies who’ve finally left abusive partners, but prior to that, had left them before & gone back, but nothing changed. If I was you i’d listen to my gut & stay away. If he’s not the Dad of your child, block him & have nothing to do with him, not sure what amount of money he owes you, could you write it off for the sake of getting him out of your life for good

Thanks everyone
Yeah I did think of that is only £1200 but he has paid £200 and he pays directly to my credit card so we don't need to talk about that