I'm so hung up on this man - help me not be crazy

[fuckedit]

I came out of an abusive marriage and met someone who I think is amazing

Honestly I would do anything for him to love me

However... we had a relationship, and I sabotaged it tbh. Needy, demanding, openly a wreck emotionally

So it's no surprise he doesn't feel the same anymore and we've split

I just can't find anyone who matches him or what we shared - the conversation was so fulfilling, the sex was amazing, the values and things we enjoy are so similar

I'm stuck in that "but he's the ONE" mindset, and he's running away fast from even a friendship

Are my feelings that he IS the one so misguided? I feel like if only he could give it another go we'd be fine but of course after how I've been he doesn't want that currently and I've no choice but to accept it

Is there any hope?

Give it time and keep busy. Go NC ( no contact) with him. Do not contact him under any circumstances. Focus on you and you only. Get a new
hobbie, treat yourself. Find something to do that excites you. Time is a healer. Good luck

Sorry, but yes it is misguided. He can’t be ‘the one’ if he doesn’t feel the same. He isn’t what you think he is to you. You need to keep busy and keep away from him until you’re able to move on. Time will fix this.

You came out of an abusive relationship and you are still very vulnerable to approaches. This man was not the one because he does not feel the same about you.

I would suggest you love your own self for a change and also enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid. Doing this will also help you move forward.

I agree with pp in order to move on .... be happy within & loving yourself is the first step

Did you post about this before? I read something identical on here.

There's no such thing as 'The One'. Believing that there is a 'One' puts you on very dangerous ground because you are likely to justify doing almost anything (or putting up with almost anything) in order not to let 'the One' get away.

There are lots of potential ‘the ones’ , but it has to be mutual and they don’t always pop up instantly you feel you ‘need’ someone in your life. I am sure many of the unhappily married, separated and divorced women on here would have been confident that they were initially with ‘the one’

Dust yourself down, acknowledge that somebody that has ended things with you can’t be “the one” & treat today as the first day of the rest of your life.

Good luck

You're massively on the rebound and in no place for any relationship. Add to that he doesn't want to be with you.
Leave him alone and work on your own boundaries.

I agree with Paw and it was obvious that you were in no place for a relationship at this point. Whilst you have the feelings you have, trying to get back with him and then blowing it again will just make things worse so step back and get yourself in a better place emotionally and maybe he may think again. Either go NC as suggested or be strictly just friends

Is there any hope?

No one can answer that. Life is a long game and things and people change but right now it looks like the answer to that question is no.

There used to be a theory called the 8 week wait. I can't remember where it originated - some dating book I expect. The gist of it was if you want to be with someone who has dumped you, you need to go 100% no contact for 8 weeks. No calling, no texting no going to places he might be.

In that time you have to totally focus on yourself. Go to the gym. Get a hair cut. Read new books in genres you love. Take up a new sport. Do something you'd never do - if you love opera go to a grungy gig, if you love grungy gigs go to the opera. Have a make-up rehaul. Get super busy.

The idea is that in 8 weeks you will feel better about yourself and have "improved" yourself (not to suggest there is anything wrong with you now you understand - but you'll feel better) and you won't care. And if you do still care, 8 weeks no contact is long enough to give anyone a proper opportunity to miss you if there is any chance.

I think its a coping mechanism that helps because you have a fixed time to work towards and something to focus on.