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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Getting over rejection

14 replies

ontheshelf · 12/03/2018 19:23

I’m on the brink of being obsessed with an ex and feel like a complete fool.
Together for a year, he left as he felt it wasn’t working for him - I wanted to work things out and was gutted.
He keeps me hanging on, meeting up for a drink every now and again, texting me etc. Tells me things I want to hear but has made it clear we can’t be together however much he wishes we could be Hmm

Then I saw him recently and whilst drunk he says deep down he wants me to prove to him that we could be great together. By the end of the night he’s deep in conversation with another woman and forgotten all about me.

I haven’t dealt with the rejection well at all but I can’t stop wanting him, wanting to see him, to speak to him. I check my phone every hour for messages and hope I’ll bump into him. I dread the day he finds someone new.

Been going on for months now Sad feel really rather wrapped up in it all and quite low, can’t seem to break the cycle and make myself get over it even though it’s making me utterly miserable

I’m assuming the only way this is ever going to stop is no contact? - it’s bloody hard to block someone you still so desperately want.
I suppose me writing this was to get a little support off anyone who’s been rejected and knows how to help get over it quickly

OP posts:
Pixiemeat · 12/03/2018 19:36

I can relate to this. You really need to go no contact. It is really hard but putting time and distance between you is the only way

Ryder63 · 12/03/2018 19:39

Then I saw him recently and whilst drunk he says deep down he wants me to prove to him that we could be great together. By the end of the night he’s deep in conversation with another woman and forgotten all about me.

He's using you for an ego boost, op - nothing more. Your self esteem is being eroded while his will be through the roof while you jump through hoops to 'prove' yourself worthy of him Hmm

Block delete and join the no contact thread here. You'll find so much support in that thread.

coffeekittens · 12/03/2018 19:39

No contact and keep yourself busy (through work or hobbies). I ended up on anti depressants to stop my obsessive thoughts over an ex which really helped ‘mellow’ me and provided some headspace for clear thinking.

Angelf1sh · 12/03/2018 19:39

You have to completely cut him out of your life, it’s the only way to get over him. He is deliberately keeping you hanging on as a fallback position/ego boost. Have some self-respect and bin him off.

category12 · 12/03/2018 19:42

Try the Baggage Reclaim site.

Also realise what a shit this man is - he's knowingly keeping you dangling. It's not that you "can't" be together, it's that it suits him to have you as his backup girl and then he rubs in your face going off with other women. He's utterly vile to you.

Yes, no contact. And find some anger.

Original poster
ontheshelf · 12/03/2018 19:43

I made the 4 week mark some time ago, they seem to have a habit of coming back “to see how you are” don’t they. And I’m too weak to ignore him so I suppose blocking is the only way... I’ve never had a man like him in my life who has such a hold over me. I’m usually quite a strong person

OP posts:
Original poster
ontheshelf · 12/03/2018 19:44

Category I so wish I could find some anger!!

OP posts:
username7979 · 12/03/2018 19:45

He is using you to feel wanted. You are abusing yourself by going back to him. Block, block block and find yourself new interests (try meetup?)

Ryder63 · 12/03/2018 19:50

Similar to op on another thread on here. You're addicted to the 'highs' of him contacting you/seeingyou/ and the lows of his further rejection leave you craving the highs again. No contact is the only way to break the cycle. His only hold over you is you yourself allowing it to continue.

As a pp said - find your anger! no decent man would keep you hanging. Don't let yourself be used as an ego boost or emergency shag.

Mikethenight2good · 12/03/2018 20:27

Hi op! Just wanted to say you are not alone. I agree with others here about going no contact. I had not realised there was a no contact thread here so I will have to find that.

You sound like myself where my esteem is on the floor at the moment and the highs of the relationship make us feel good. He is a dick for abusing that.

Good luck op and I hope he falls over & lands in dog shit...

ThePartingLass · 12/03/2018 21:00

I was in your situation but I'm further down the line. Speaking from experience, if/when he finds someone else, it takes the pain to entirely new levels. Like you we transitioned from a relationship to a friendship but with very blurred lines. I am now grieving for the relationship (because when we broke up I didn't really grieve because of staying close friends) but now I'm also feeling the rejection very very keenly and having to come to terms with the reality that he prefers someone else to me. And feeling lonely and alone. Honestly, my bitterest regret is that we didn't cut contact straight away - if we had I'd be ok by now. I'd probably have moved on myself and even if I hadn't, him finding someone else wouldn't have come as such a personal blow. Don't be me.

userxx · 12/03/2018 21:53

No contact is the only way forward and that includes no social media stalking.

Original poster
ontheshelf · 12/03/2018 22:01

Thanks everyone, taken all comments into account!
mike ha ha that made me laugh - I hope so too!!

OP posts:
Bookangel · 16/03/2018 20:28

How are you doing? I sent you a pm in response to yours but not sure it's sent as not used the message function before.

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