It’s a source of constant irritation to my mother that I don’t let her ‘help’ more. Partly this is because I genuinely don’t need it, partly it’s because her help often isn’t very helpful, and partly it’s because I feel her help often has strings attached, even if they don’t become obvious immediately.
Anyway, on Saturday she was over and noticed I was not ‘on top’ of the washing. She asked and asked for me to send a large load home with her, as she was coming back on Sunday for Mothers’ Day. I kept saying no until I ran out of reasons not to, finally caved, and she did indeed bring t back on Sunday. So far so nice, except it all stinks of smoke (she smokes arpund 60 a day, inside, but doesn’t believe it’s possible to tell because she opens windows sometimes and she can’t smell it.) I sent her with stuff that could go straight through the wash and dryer so wouldn’t need hanging, in the hopes it wouldn’t end up too smoky, but it really is and has all had to be rewashed. Even DH who is an ex-smoker himself and doesn’t have a particularly active sense of smell said it was too smoky to wear.
She’s now told me she’s going to be doing this every weekend to ‘help me’. I’ve said she doesn’t need to, she says it’s no trouble. If I tell her it’s because it all comes back smelling of smoke, World War 3 will erupt. If I tell her that it’s also that I don’t want her round collecting and delivering washing every Saturday and Sunday, and don’t want her using it to show everyone how much I need her help, how I don’t cope, and how generally she’s a martyr, I think it might finish her off. How can I phrase this to get her to drop the idea? DH has suggested just letting her do it and rewashing it all every week - she’s happy and I’d be washing it anyway so it’s not like it creates extra work, but that seems ridiculous!