OLD stories - share your best, or worst, experiences

[Kinunir]

Following a suggestion by pudding in the OLD thread ( www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3181187-Dating-thread-130-dates-with-more-issues-than-Vogue-mad-March-hares-every-one-of-em?pg=31 ) I thought I’d get the ball rolling by sharing my first ever experience of meeting potential partners online.

It was back in 2005, just after my divorce, when I signed up for POF. The process itself was easy and straightforward until it got to the point of adding photos. I mean, really, I have to let the whole world know what I look like? What if my mum sees me, or my friends?

Getting over myself, I added some heavily edited pics – after all, I’m not sharing images of my kids or friends online – and got to searching.

I quickly found someone of interest who, in order to protect the innocent, I will call Miss LiarLiar.

She was fun, intelligent and very easy to talk to; all the qualities I crave in a partner. The conversation quickly moved from POF to text and we quickly arranged to meet.

Arriving at my local shopping centre 10 minutes early – I hate lateness – I located the small coffee shop where we were to meet. It only had room for around 20 people and there were only a half dozen or so seated at the time, sipping their lates.

I fired off a text to Miss LiarLiar to let her know I was there. She responded almost immediately to say she was too.

I glanced around but couldn’t see her. How could I have been so dumb as to arrive at the wrong location I thought.

A quick check of my texts revealed that I was actually in the agreed meeting place though so I called her. Two tables away, a mobile phone range. I glanced across but it wasn’t her.

Miss LiarLiar answered and I sensed some sort of echo. She WAS here. Hmmmm.

Another sideways glance revealed that it was her, sitting close by, though I would never have guessed it. I was meeting a 37-year-old, not someone in their mid-fifties. And she had an average body type, not a belly that would not fit under the table without extreme discomfort.

As some of you know, personality is everything to me but, even so, this was not someone I could feel physical attraction to. And the sense of disappointment at her deception was quite palpable.

I’m a decent chap though so I bought her a coffee. I was already there, what was another 20 minutes, eh?

But then her phone rang and she buried her face in it. I finished my coffee and slipped off without even an opportunity to say goodbye.

My first experience of OLD was grim but, surprisingly, a mere 20 minutes after I arrived home she sent me a text, saying how nice it was to meet me and would I like to do it again sometime.

I’m sure you can guess my answer.

Fortunately, I soon met someone in real life with whom I spent the best part of 7 years. If it wasn’t for her, I would probably have never tried online dating again, such was my initial experience.

It did teach me some important lessons though, such as speaking on the phone before meeting and checking how recent someone’s photos are.

What are your standout experiences of online dating?

A couple of mine:
Mr Darling - every second word was "darling". Let me tell you about myself, darling. Have you seen....., darling? How long have you been dating, darling? More about myself, darling.

Or the guy who turned up 20mins late, looked me up and down in disgust, complained about the queue in the coffee shop and moaned about his work colleagues for 20 mins.

But my best, best ever first date was last Saturday. Last minute change of plan as my original date cancelled. So I messaged a replacement date. He said he was free to meet for a drink, which moved on to dinner. Then we drove 40 miles away to go dancing at a club where a band that he knew were playing. It will be tricky to beat that on the second date.

I dated a man I met on OLD for a short while. The first date was absolutely tragic. He turned up about 45 minutes late, of course I thought he’d stood me up but he was texting throughout and was incredibly apologetic so fair enough. But when he turned up he had sunglasses on to cover a black eye and he explained he was terribly hungover from the night before... Great start. Anyway we got along fine until we were sitting in one bar, his friends walked in and he invited them to sit with us! I was astounded, felt terribly awkward and made excuses to leave.

He was ridiculously apologetic about the whole thing so I naively forgave him. He asked me to be his girlfriend not long after then splashed it on Facebook (against my wishes) before dumping me a couple of weeks later saying he was ‘in a dark place’ . Fucking weirdo.

I also went on a date with a man and the following morning awoke to FB messages from his girlfriend having a bitch fit at me. Bearing in mind I’d met her boyfriend on tinder!

I did also meet my DP on tinder and he’s great so they’re not all bad .

So many bad dates, so little time...
My favourite was a woman who turned up half an hour late, no apologies, she was on 'mac time '. ?? Something to do with her surname. She wore a gillet, and told me about all the awful women she'd met online and her last disastrous relationship. She said she was always busy to cope with the sadness. I suggested she needed therapy.
I laughed out loud driving home thinking about mac time and her face when I mentioned therapy...

I tried OLD in 2016 for about 6 months... I would say that I probably didn't really give it a fair chance because I only truly chatted to about 5 guys, and met only 3 of them. Had a few brief exchanges with others and messages from tons of weirdos.

Anyway, the first guy I met seemed really nice, we discovered that we had a things in common and literally live around the corner from one another but I would not disclose exactly where I live, just the vicinity. Because this was the first guy I was having a good chat with (while simultaneously receiving a lot of creepy unwanted messages from others) I chickened out and deleted my profile without an explanation.

After a few weeks I came back online and started talking to him again and I explained why I disappeared. He understood, said he can understand the kind of harassment a woman can experience on a site like that and assured me he was nothing like this, said he was laid back.

Fast forward to meeting for a coffee. He was a few minutes late and when he pulled up in his Jeep all I could see was the silhouette of wild hair. When he walked into the coffee shop he looked as if he just rolled out of bed (and it was the afternoon) and I was not at all attracted. We still had the coffee and he kept trying to guess where I live and wanted to know where my kids went to school etc . Didn't give him any info, told him I wasn't interested when he texted afterwards, and he proceeded to keep sending messages online and through text. I had to block him.

6 months later I got a new phone and his number wasn't blocked on it. Got a "hello" message. I asked who it was so he reminded me. I didn't reply so then he asked if I wanted a nude pic shudder I said wrong number, and had to call my service provider to block him again.

Anyway, the other two guys were nice but not my type. And even though someone could probably grow on me I think I'd rather have that happen not in a dating context where there is pressure/expectation for that to happen. So I guess it's not for me. I quite enjoy being single though so someone will have to really wow me to want to change this

I started real OLD a couple of years ago - on my second date, I met the person who became my partner for 2 years. The first date was a lovely man, just not for me. So lucky. However, in 1997 I found myself unexpectedly single after a 20 year marriage. OLD wasn't around then, only newspaper personal ads. You read the ad (very short), dialled a number followed by their personal ID. You could then leave a message with your phone number and then wait for them to phone or not. I had a fair few dates, and only had one real weirdo. They led to a one year relationship, followed by a very fun fling with an Aussie for 6 months whose visa then ran out so he had to return home but I did get to go out there to visit him for a month. I then met my next partner - he lasted for 16 years. So, all in all, I've not had a bad experience so far.

Well I have to say.... worst date was when I met a guy who I’d chatted to for a couple of weeks, I got there first, ordered a glass of red wine...which was then knocked all over me and my bag and my table. He had not yet arrived so me and the bar staff frantically cleared up and I moved and tried to compose myself.
When he arrived he messaged to say he was there.... so I looked around for him and eventually just about recognised him. Needless to say he looked a lot older and smaller than his photos, he talked ‘at me’ for an hour very nervously and I gracefully bowed out and left

The WORST one was where I met a guy who was very attractive, date was great and I really liked him.... only for him to start asking me if I liked ‘kink’ and would I join him at a Nudist spa and had I ever had sex while people are watching

I met my dp of 6 years on old. I also had a fantastic non date with a guy who I got on really well with and talked on the phone with for hours. Unfortunately our free time was totally out of sync and eventually he met someone else, but he was just so lovely and said some really nice things about how it wouldn't be long before I met someone and on my personality and looks for no other reason than to make me feel confident on my next encounters.

My worst. He became a stalker before I even met him. He bombarded me with texts before I even met him and got arsey if I didn't reply immediately. I had to tell him to fuck off. Even then he reappeared 5 months later on a different number. God help any woman who actually met up with him in person. He was scary

I didn't even manage to get to the dating part. I'd agreed to give my number so we could chat via whatsapp instead of through Tinder... if I didn't reply quick enough he would become annoyed.
It's when he started using the gun emoji if i'd not replied or not answered a question to his liking. That's when I thought no thanks and blocked him. He was too intense and already controlling. Having just come out of abusive relationship with attempted murder it put me right off and I never went back on the site.

I had a date last year with a guy from Bumble who straight away I felt uneasy with. He turned up sweaty, he invaded my personal space way too many times, touched me too many times, and asked if I smoked weed. He more or less talked at me the whole time too. Not worst date anyone could have but I went home and had a shower straight away.

I also had a date with a guy a nearly ten years ago, who more or less told me he was in organised crime and could pay off my mortgage for me. That was just weird...

My worst was a man who had 3 photos that were from at least 20 years and 6 stone ago. I was actually shocked that it was the same guy and couldn't almost wonder if it was his brother. Date may have been the fastest G&T I've ever drunk ;) It was because of this guy I now refuse to talk much at all to any prospects before meeting

My first ever OLD date was with a guy who I arranged to meet for a drink after work. He knew I was coming straight from work and even asked if I was dressed for work... I said I was in a suit dress and he still turned up in shorts and trainers. It wasnt even the middle of summer and I am suprised he got into the bar.

I have also had the whatsapp stalker, who would get annoyed if I didn't reply quick enough and would actually sit up all night waiting for me to be 'online' and then ask if I was okay. It was really intense but he couldn't see it.

I had a few dates with another guy (he lovebombed me) but after a few weeks of dating I was unwell so he came over with food to make sure I was okay. I spent the whole night on the sofa, crying in pain, which he apparently didn't notice. At 5am, NHS help line said I needed to get to hospital and he just left for work.... I have no family close by and had to get a taxi to A&E.

On my first ever OLD date a few months ago, I got so drunk that the only way I remembered how I got home was by reading my texts the following day as I updated my date on my journey home. Suffice to say, I never drink on a first date now.....lesson learned. Luckily he was a nice guy.... could have gone badly wrong.

I've been on a ton of online dates. Best is the week I spent with now-DH where we barely left our hotel room and got to, uh, know one another very closely.

But the worst ...

It was way back at a time when some online dating sites didn't really have any "proximity" detection for other users, so you wouldn't know until you saw their profile city where they lived, and had to sift through lots of non-local people to find anyone nearby. A far cry from today, where on Tinder etc, location rules all!

Anyhow, someone was on a site I was on who didn't have a very good "match percentage" but did live right in my small town. When I contacted him to say, hey, funny coincidence to find someone else from this small town here, it turned out he lived literally 4 blocks from my house! I said, well, in that case, let's go get coffee ... even before we knew much of anything about one another.

We went to a local coffee place and the conversation was standard fare. Until, that is, a couple came in through the door. The woman was white, the man was black. I saw his nose wrinkle up. "That's disgusting," he said.

I realized right away that he was being racist but didn't want to believe what I'd just heard, so I asked for clarification about what exactly was disgusting.

He spat out the word "Miscegenation," then talked about how black people were clearly genetically inferior because ... reasons, I guess. Reasons that showed he had never taken a biology class in his life.

It's the only online date where I've ever excused myself to the bathroom and never came back, just waited until he was gone.