Husband wants to leave

[AngelaB06]

Hi all, I haven’t posted before but feeling lost and would be grateful for some advice. My husband of 5 years (together for 8 and we have a 2 year old son) told me a couple of days ago that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. We had some problems last year, that I thought we’d got over, but now he won’t even talk about anything or agree to counselling (it’s too late apparently). I’m the main bread winner, but rely on him for child care. We’re currently in separate beds. I don’t want the marriage to end. It will take some time to sort out practicalities in terms of work, living arrangements etc, do I use this time to try and ‘be normal’ and hope he changes his mind or ask him to leave straightaway?

He seems to have made his mind up, so it might be best for you to accept what he says and seek legal advice regarding the finances.

Also with him being the primary carer....He could end up being the resident parent. A lawyer will advise you better on this.

To add to that...don't beg or plead with him to stay. He seems to have checked out otherwise I would have suggested marriage counselling.

Read up about the 180 method for relationships. If he is staying while you sort out your lives, it is a good way to cope.

I should have said, the 180 rule is usually advised as a method of dealing with infidelity, but is useful as a way of coping in any break up.

marriageworks.com.au/relationship-advice-for-couple-counselling/the-last-resort-technique/

I was going to say the 180.

I'm sorry to say I would be suspicious he has met someone else. I would get him to leave straightaway and keep an eye on your finances. If you want to save the marriage the only way is for him to realize what he's lost, and he won't do that living in your house.

Sorry this is happening to you.

Why’s he going to leave if he’s the main carer? The received wisdom on this site is that you don’t need a reason to end a marriage / relationship and if OP were the main carer and saying she wanted to end her marriage nobody would be suggesting she be the one to leave the FMH.

Sorry to hear you’re going through this OP. I hope you and he can turn the situation around.

I assume he's saying there's nobody else?

Hope you managed to get some sleep Angela.

Thank you all for your helpful messages and kind thoughts. I am certainly giving thought about who is best to move out etc given our situation, but he has said so far that he wants to move out. Maybe he wants a clean break and new environment will help with that. No one else is involved. He (mistakenly) thought I had cheated on him last year, and can’t seem to get past that. The 180 thing sounds interesting, guess I have nothing to lose! Has anyone had experience of going it while still living with their partner? It’s hard to know how to act when you’re still under the same roof..?

Anyone? The ‘normal ness ‘ is killing me...

I think it's hard to do whilst living in the same house. It requires serious acting skills. If I were you, I'd be out a lot.

Has either one of you sought legal advice? It's interesting he's still there if he's so miserable.

He's cheating and has been for a while.
Sorry, but it all adds up.
Accusing you of an affair last year - projection!!!!
I can guarantee this is when HIS affair started.
Sorry but I think the OW will crawl out of the woodwork soon enough.
For now, I suggest you lead separate lives.
See a solicitor to understand finances.
Put some access in place asap.

I also think he's met someone else, men who cheat very rarely leave the comforts of home unless there's something better waiting for them, well in their eyes.