When did you notice you were growing apart?

[mm2one]

Hi, this one is for people that feel like they are growing apart from their spouse or have divorced because they grew apart.

I am the husband, 48, and my wife is 44. We have been married for 16 years and have two children.

We befriended some new friends in the neighborhood in the past few years. I feel the family dynamics have changed quite a bit. These new friends like to drink a lot and party alot. My wife sort of has become very close friends with the wifes. And they seem to be hanging out a lot and drinking and weed a lot.

Me and my kids are having less and less fun at the parties. They go on until 2 or 3 am and I am finding my children want to keep leaving to go home to sleep. The excessive binge drinking also started getting to me and I stopped drinking at the parties. I have been very sober and am able to more clearly see what is happening at the parties. I still have fun.. but I feel its not my crowd of people.

It seems my wife is deeply into this new chapter of the marriage. I don't know if this is a sign that we are starting to grow apart or this will all sort of fizzle out as the novelty of the parties and drinking fades.

I guess my question is, has anyone on here divorced or grown apart because the family dynamics changed due to other people entering their lives?

I am sort of feeling less and less attracted to my wife as I feel these people are stoners and alcoholics and my wife seem to becoming one of them.

Any advice appreciated.

Have you spoken to her about it?

I think you probably need to sit down and gently say that the parties aren’t working for you nor the children anymore and see what she wants to do. I feel sometimes you reach a point in life where you get bored and things like this add a new aspect to life. Whether it be short lived or not. But if it’s not something that works for you as a family you need to talk to her.

I went through a similar stage a few years ago (I'm 44). I think it was probably a bit of an identity crisis (possibly age related). I was also going through a horrible phase of anxiety and it was a release to go out and drink to get my head away from everything. My partner was very similar to you in that he tagged a long for a while (sometimes with the kids, sometimes not) but he always wanted to leave early and didn't really enjoy himself. I just put it down to him being boring and even resented it a little bit.

But, It died a death after a couple of years. Mainly because I started to realise that the people I was hanging round with were just 'drinking buddies' and I actually had very little in common with them. Once I decided to reign in the drinking (it was becoming close to being a real issue for me), I spent a few nights with them sober and was bored to tears by them.

Maybe your wife will do the same. I think she needs to realise this for herself though. If you put a stop to it she may resent you for killing her 'fun'.

Chances are that she will come to her senses and see it for what it is....a bit of a middle life blow out that will lose its novelty value. She may then settle down back to how she was before.