How do I find a good counsellor?

[Bonnylassie]

I have been talking to a few close friends this week about stuff that happened 13 odd years ago. I pretty much put it in a box and left it but things keep coming up that remind me about it (My relationship with my mum as an adult and her behaviour towards me). How do I find a good counsellor who will understand the weird dynamics of my relationship with my mum? I think, no I know I'm holding on to a lot of anger, she will never acknowledge she did anything wrong or god forbid apologise so I need to sort out my feelings about what happened. I don't want to waste my time and money though so how do I find a good counsellor? Thanks.

Go onto the BACP website and look for counsellors in your area.

Contact however many you think might be a good match and ask them what their approach is to toxic family relationships.

Any who say "I try to counsel you towards a happy resolution with your family", bin them off immediately.

Any other responses which you like, ask if you can have a phone conversation to discuss further. Speak to several and trust your instincts and gut feeling. Book an initial session but don't be falling for booking a block of sessions until you've had at least 3 meetings.

If you feel the sessions aren't going right, rehearse the phrase "My work are sending me away next week/I need to support a friend who's having surgery next week/my child has a hospital appointment next week so let me contact you regarding our next appointment." Then don't contact them.

Once you've been through counselling and come out stronger, you'll be able to say "I'm sorry, this isn't working for me. I won't be coming again" but initially I understand it's hard to say that.

www.bacp.co.uk/

First hour should be free if it isn't it put me off. So you can shop around.

Psychodynamic might be be best for you.

Great thanks. I knew the bacp was a good starting point but the rest of the advice is really good and I'll be using it. Thanks again.

First hour free? God, that reeks if desperation on the part of the counsellor. I'm a counsellor and would never be free. We all have to make a living. Definitely go with the BACP accredited counsellors. All the best, Op.

A free first hour would put me off. I’m paying for a trained professional why are they giving it away. If it’s not feeling right then tell them that! And don’t expected it to click immediately. I find it takes 3 sessions to settle. But equally if you only want to do a certain number of sessions tell them so they can work to that with you.

Don’t expect to feel better - you may well feel a lot worse first as some of that anger comes out!

I agree with Solebizzz that psychodynamic counselling could be suitable, but I don't know a single therapist who offers the first hour free.

My GP was a good starting point. She asked me quite a few questions about what I was after and then recommended three local people. I then looked them up and contacted a couple. I ended up staying with the first one I met because we clicked.

I’d already had a long term psychologist via the nhs so sort of knew what I wanted.