Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I feel bad for my Mum on Mother's Day.

4 replies

LemonDropsAreSour · 11/03/2018 11:57

I have a half brother who is 15 years older than me who has lived a very troubled life, he almost definitely has some sort of personality disorder and has been in prison numerous times for knife/gun crimes.

My mum punished herself for the way he's turned out, but tries to keep the peace with him and the rest of the family. He can be so loving, happy and calm and then can switch and be aggressive, nasty and a controlling bully if you don't agree with something he says. He's had numerous failed relationships because women flee from him, his current girlfriend has been cheated on, hit, controlled and much more. It's awful and I've considered ringing social services myself for my beautiful niece and nephew.

He genuinely sees the world through different eyes and the way he thinks is bizarre, he's always paranoid as well but you get the jist.

He says degrading things to me when I see him every time but then passes it off as "he's only looking out for me" and it's got to the point where I no longer want to see him. I was planning on having dinner at my mums, just us but now he's asked to come round too and I've said I will visit later on. Now my mums in tears and saying I'm unreasonable? Sad

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 11/03/2018 12:53

It is never unreasonable to refuse to spend time with someone who is an unpleasant bully. It sounds like your mum is in deep denial about his behaviour. And I can understand that to an extent because if my son went down this path I would be questioning why and feeling my parenting hadn't been good enough.

Stick to your guns - "Sorry you're upset Mum, but our arrangement was dinner with just you and me. I am not willing to spend time with Dickhead due to his abusive comments. If you don't want me to come round later, why don't I take you out later in the week?"

If you believe your DNs' mum is being abused, please do report to social services, because no child deserves to be raised in an abusive household. You can do this anonymously. You can also report anonymously via the NSPCC website.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/03/2018 12:57

What NotTheFordType wrote. I hope you take heed.

Do not let your mother further browbeat you into feeling guilty for her long series of poorly made choices and decisions.

DickTERFin · 11/03/2018 13:08

Likely she doesn't want to spend time alone with him or have to explain why you are not there (did he know that you were supposed to be having dinner, just the two of you?).

That's not your problem though. She has to figure her own relationship out with him and you are allowed to go no contact (even if it's just for a day) with someone who is abusive towards you.

LemonDropsAreSour · 11/03/2018 13:48

I think he knew I was supposed to be there, yes.

I just feel so bad for my mum, she wants this big happy family unit which just isn't possible. I love my brother because he IS my brother and when I was younger I enjoyed my time with him but as I've got older, I realise he has some serious issues and he's now started to be cruel to me.

He's called me a white whore, slut, disrespectful and I had a gap in employment and because I refused to sign for Job Seekers and decided to use the savings I had, he said I was stuck up and looked down my nose on those on benefits Hmm

My mum seems really upset, I just can't face putting myself on edge to play happy families.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.