My marriage is a bit shit really

[FreshNewUserName]

11 years together, 8 years married, 2 small kids (one with additional needs), up to our eyeballs in mortgage and car payments and other obligations, no sex, not a lot of time together and we seem to end up bickering half the time that we do get. Its not terrible but it sure as shit isn't great. Dunno why I'm posting really, just spilling out words after another silly unnecessary argument where I asked a simple (genuine) question and had my head bitten off for being 'sarcastic'

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What needs of yours are being met here?.

Why are you together at all now, is this really the model of a relationship you want to be showing your children?.

I would consider counselling on your own to sort through your thoughts properly re this marriage and the issues surrounding it.

It sounds like you have a lot on. What did you use to love about him? Has that changed? Do you make some time for each other?

To be fair, he is a good supportive partner when things are truly shit. And on the extremely rare occasions its just us, we do have fun. He just seems so... impatient? Like we're bothering him. Maybe its just life with small kids and no money and no support around us and it will get better in time. I'm just so fucking tired and the bickering is draining.

Consider relationship counselling perhaps, before things get worse and you're locked into a pattern of bad behaviour? Impatience and sniping can turn into contempt, which is the death knell.

I'd suggest Relate.

You are me at the moment OP after being told that he just wants to be left alone and I’m acting entitled as quite fancied a Mother’s Day dinner out (local pizza place at best!) it’s like it’s not so bad to get divorced but also not a happy place to be xx

Actually I think it's the worst situation to be in. You waste your life.

At least if he fucks the babysitter you don't have to make the choice to leave.

Still fed up. He won't admit he's a grumpy fuck. He fell asleep at 8pm last night. That's not normal. He gets a shitload more sleep than I do. He's sulking cos I asked him not to just yell at the 3yo - she pushed the 1yo away, but he was trying to steal her snack when he has his own - I suggested the 3yo take her snack into the kitchen rather than just yell at her. Teach her to deal with it. He bit my head off because I wasn't watching them for one fucking second. I had them out without him for over an hour today. I bathed them and did painting as he sat on his fucking phone.

I sometimes wish I could afford a divorce.

It's amazing any couples get through the young child stage. Your relationship goes from being all about your OH and your relationship to being all about the children and their needs. The daily grind of life with young kids is just so freaking hard, and its natural to take out your frustration on your OH. Would it help to sit down and explain how you feel? Sorry haven't got any amazing advice. I pay a sitter every now and again so we get a night to go out and it just be about us (we don't have much family support either). I think it does us good to spend time together like we did pre kids. And we really try not to talk about them on date night.