Messaging a shy crush

[MysticFlyTrap]

I have a bit of a crush on someone i met a couple of months ago but he is very shy and doesn't live near me so connected to him via messenger and tried to strike up conversation with him to start with but he only answered me but asked me no questions back so saw that as a red light he isn't interested or is simply too shy to open up just yet. When i first met him there was some flirty banter and i think he did like me, but a very shy person generally. Do i bite the bullet and message him every couple of days with general chat until he feels more comfortable and then ask him on a date or do i leave it if or until he contacts me.
Crap with etiquette tbh.

Wondered if anyone had any advice on messaging tia x

Anyone?

Hi OP, I think if the messaging is on a friendly sort level, do lead the way - as you say, once in a couple of days, you have nothing to lose. He may relax a bit more soon and pick up the initiative, but I'd set a time limit of some kind. Maybe two weeks max.
Or if your messaging was already very flirty/suggestive, it's not a great sign if he hasn't picked up on it quickly - then maybe best to leave it up to him to continue. OR just ask him out, would all becomne clear much quicker than messaging (but asking out as if just for a coffee not an 'official' date if he's shy).

Thanks loveforpg i messaged him again last night but still no questions about me. Got a couple of messages back which is something, but could be just out of politeness. I guess i have nothing to lose by asking him out except from rejection but atleast i will know and can stop pussy footing about wondering. Just don't want to look silly or get an answer about not liking me etc. Going to leave it another couple of days and see if he approaches me first i think and then go in for the kill.

I think you need to let him know you like him. He might not have much experience of relationships if he's shy and might not get that you fancy him. He might be waiting to find out if you like him before he starts getting more into messaging and stuff.
You risk going round in circles so I would be upfront.

Thanks demi i just hope he doesn't think i'm crazy by being too upfront as only met him once

He might just need a little push and get the thought in his head you fancy him. As long as you don't go full on it will be fine.

Just a question- do you guys talk on the phone? You can get a lot more from people's tone of voice than a message where they can come across a bit abrupt.

Could just say i really like you do you fancy meeting up for a coffee soon or a drink. Problem is he lives over 40 miles from me so not sure where to meet if he says yes!

No i dont have his phonenumber

Going to "ask him out" tonight, wish me luck. Either my ego is going to take a big hit or i'll be real happy. Only time will tell, hate being the first one to iniate

Good on you, hope all goes well. Keep us updated x

He said no, oh well atleast i can say i asked. Embarrassing never less

aw OP, sorry to hear about that but really - not much of a loss at this stage. Done it myself and got a 'sorry I'm too busy' but at least I found out he had a GF.
HOpe he was nice about it and not abrupt? It is abit srtange that he responded to messages if they were not work related or any other neccessity. Maybe he's so scared of dating that he did like the fact you approached him but wouldn't take the plunge to actually date. He may also have just split up from someone or not read yto date for some other reasons.
Well done for being brave, at least you didn't invest weeks into it (which I did with that guy).

*necessity duh

Well done on doing it anyways! Not embarrassing either. At least you don't have to play guessing games any longer.

I have a thread about a super shy man as well. I also took the plunge. Still not sure if he wanted to run away but was delicate declining as we work together or if he likes me the same way I like him. You see? But you never win if you don't play. Well done!

LoveforPg he must have just been being friendly by responding, just not wanting to be rude i guess. I'm not good at reading people obviously lol. But like you say so glad i didn't invest time in guessing and wondering so atleast i know now. Theres loads of things in my current life that would scare anyone off, so could be for that reason or simply because i'm not his type. Going to not over think it and go about my day

That's a shame but at least you know not to put any more thought into him. It's possible he likes you but is too shy to meet up with you. But even if it was that, you still could end up wasting time and not knowing where you stand.

I know how you feel, OP. Well next time you could learn maybe to see if responses are just 'polite' - if a man is interested (at least fancies a date) they may not even ask lots of questions or may hide how much they like you, but would still either occasionally initiate that polite chat, or show some enthusiasm in replies very soon.
Having said that, no harm trying with some guys when you ar not sure, as you did. See yourself as a confident person who can go for what they like, even if you feel a bit awkward.

You gained something by reaching out - he is not ready/willing/whatever - but you showed courage and you can relegate him to the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet. Don't be too disheartened! It is good that you now know not to invest to much of yourself.