New bloke

[ShaunDeavour]

NC for this but have been around for a while and post on others’ threads a fair bit.

I’ve been single forever - six years, apart from a couple of flings. I have periods of not having time to look for someone, and when I do date, I’m really picky.

Anyway, I met someone through OLD about a month ago, and we’ve met twice. We really click - he’s interesting and intelligent and seems very kind. He’s not unattractive and he has a great smile.

After our first date, he gave me a big hug and a peck on the lips, and I went home happy. Couldn’t wait to see him again.

I’m at work today and he said he’d be in the area and could we meet for lunch. I had a really stressful full-on morning, went for a walk for ten mins then texted to see if he was around.

He turned up, and gave me a hug when he arrived and again when he left. Lunch was fine - we had lots to talk about and it was v comfortable. But before he arrived I started to feel a bit like I didn’t want to see him, and when he arrived I didn’t want him to touch me. Maybe a bit...suffocated?

I don’t think this is about him, is it? As I felt like this before he even turned up.

I get the sense he’s very keen and I don’t want to lead him on. He went in for a kiss at lunchtime and I kind of backed away.

Do I meet him again and see how I feel? Tell him now it’s not working for me as a romantic relationship?

I know I’m overthinking this - and it’s probably because I’ve been single for so long. Maybe I even talked myself into a second date because I want to be with someone

Maybe I’m just not ready to date (after six years!!!)

Any thoughts?

When was your first date?

Yes of course give it another shot,if you don't you'll never know,if you do at least you'll feel clearer on how you feel. Six years is a long time,you could just be a bit out of practice :),but in any case what harm could another date do,only to make you more sure on how you feel about this guy

First date was about ten days ago. We talked online for two weeks before that - couldn’t find a date earlier that we were both free.

I think I don’t trust my own judgement about men anymore cause it’s been so long

It sounds like you have no chemistry.

So don't leave it any longer :) the least you can benefit from this,is you'll gain some of your judgement back

After our first date, he gave me a big hug and a peck on the lips, and I went home happy. Couldn’t wait to see him again .

Then

But before he arrived I started to feel a bit like I didn’t want to see him, and when he arrived I didn’t want him to touch me. Maybe a bit...suffocated?

What contact did you have between those two events?

That’s the weird thing @Annie - just emails. Nothing heavy, just chatting about our days, a few jokes about work etc. I was looking forward to seeing him right up until this morning.

I think it must have something to do with me feeling really stressed this morning then him turning up at my local cafe.

FFS. I really don’t normally overthink things this much! It’s easier just staying single

Meh you just weren't in the mood for it today, last minute, stressful morning.

Don't beat yourself up. Have one more crack at it when you are calm and relaxed and plan a time and place.

I think I want a relationship completely on my terms. To see someone when I want, no surprises, time alone when I want it etc etc.

And I absolutely know that this is unfair and not how relationships should be!!

Think I should probably tell him I just want to be friends. I like him a lot, and it feels fairer to tell him so he can go and meet someone less fucked up than me

Thanks Mick, that about sums it up. I’ve had a horrible few days - wanted to spend the weekend hibernating with a box set and instead I had to go into work. I’m a massive introvert and I need time alone to recharge. I haven’t had enough recently.

Thanks v much for the replies.