Friends with recent ex??

[BookAngel]

New here...
I broke up with my boyfriend last week for various reasons which I generally won’t go into but suffice to say we just weren’t suited. We have a short break booked that was arranged before we split. We were going with my 3 year old daughter as no childcare for her so not exactly a romantic break anyway. I (stupidly?) suggested we could still go as friends as the hotel is non-refundable and as I don’t drive I really don’t want to have to get the train with my daughter as is a long way and we were both really looking forward to it and had the weekend all planned out. He is happy to still go. We got on really well and had a great time whenever we were together but I felt we weren’t suited romantically. One reason is that he was very, very subtlety controlling and I don’t think he even realised he was doing it. That for me was the end of things and I have no regrets about ending it as feel so much better and lighter now. Would it be stupid to still go away? It’s me who’s paid for the trip, not him. He also still wants to help me with learning to drive and I’ve no one else to do that. For now I’ve just said thank you but not committed to anything as to me it would feel like using him and that’s not who I am at all. What would you do?

No, it was booked as a family room and he snores like a freight train on steroids (untreated sleep apnoea possibly -he's awaiting investigation) so that massively puts me off. We had to sleep on delegate floors in my house when he was here. If I go LO and me would have the big bed and he'd be on the pull out.

I think it's up to you OP. If you can go as purely friends with no ulterior motive on either side then fair play. I'd be concerned he may see it as a route to re-establishing a romantic relationship though. On the other hand you could look at it as in a nice friendly ending to the relationship i.e no hard feelings. Only you know which way your ex would view it.

Becca that's good you could do that. Did you both agree splitting was the best thing to do or did he want to get back together do you think? I'm not sure on his thoughts but I know we were both looking forward to the trip and LO is coming with me so not exactly a romantic break even if we were together. I definitely don't want to get back together. I'm in my 40s, I'm not wasting time on someone who's not right for me in lots of ways, especially someone who is emotionally controlling. It might work as friends. My head and heart are having a good old debate right now. Or maybe that's logic and idealism rather than head and heart as not sure my hearts involved at all anymore. Of course the split wasn't face to face so not seen him since a week before I ended it and seeing him might pull on those heartstrings.

Flying, I think that's what I want really: a nice ending. I don't have any hard feelings about things, it's just sad that it didn't work out. We had a great time when together so no regrets except that the kids will be upset when I tell them. I truly have no idea how he feels. He said he didn't know if he loved me though so it can't be too much of a loss for him.

I'd say it's possibly too early days to go down the friends route perhaps. If you haven't had the break up conversation face-to-face, he may get upset or become difficult. It's a gamble that your holiday might be ruined as a result.

I wonder if I could try and get a refund on the hotel even though it's non refundable.

I've emailed the hotel and asked if it's possible to transfer to another date and place. No harm in asking I guess. I've blocked and deleted his number now as the more I think about things the sicker I feel.

Well done BookAngel. I know it’s hard but it is for the best. If the hotel won’t refund then just enjoy the break with your DD or take a friend/relative along. It’s just confusing trying to stay friends, especially when someone has treated you badly - you don’t let friends treat you like that.