I'm just looking for some advice on whether my marriage is over.. or if it should be. I don't really have anyone I feel I can talk to IRL. Sorry it's an essay.
So a bit of backstory.. I've been with DH for 10 years, married for 6, have 3 kids. 6 months after we got married I found messages on DHs phone to a work colleague and it came out they had a fling of sorts. It lasted for 2-3months, lots of messages, pictures and some kissing and heavy petting. He has maintained that it went no further.
We went to marriage counselling for 6months or so and ultimately decided to stay together and have had 2 of our 3 DC since then. I have considered (usually around the anniversary of me finding out) leaving him for it because I can't forget and I don't think I will ever forgive completely.
A little recent kind of backstory too is that since last year our marriage has not been great. Basically we just don't have time for each other and I don't feel like we are really connected anymore. We haven't had sex in months and I don't want to. I'm not sure if anything is there anymore.
We have spoken about this and he wants to do whatever it takes to keep us together.
Last week I went out with a male friend for a coffee, we have known each other for a year or so, DH knows him and 100% honestly there was nothing more than friendship. My friend and I share an interest that DH doesn't. Last week we arranged to catch up about this interest. DH knew where I was and who I was meeting.
It was normal friendly chat and we did speak a little about how me and DH are not great at the moment.
At the end of our catch up we had a hug, totally normal for us but then there was a moment where we pulled back and looked at each other and I felt like we were going to kiss. We didn't and I left immediately.
I didn't tell DH about the almost kiss (nothing to tell?! We didn't actually do anything) but I messaged my friend and said I can't see him again and that I don't want to get into anything like that. He understood and also said he was glad we didn't because it really was a bad idea and not what he wants to get into either.
This has really thrown me though.. I didn't think I would ever get to a place like that with anyone else! I do not want to be with my friend.. it was just some crazy in the moment chemistry. But, it is making me question my marriage even further.. if I really loved DH would I get to a point where I almost kissed someone else?!
I'm quite an anxious person and this is really tearing me up. I don't want to split up my family over nothing, I feel like I would need a solid reason rather than well I'm just not that happy.
I don't want to end up a single mum struggling to get by but then I wonder if that's why I'm staying with DH and that is obviously not a good foundation for a good marriage.
How can I decide what is the best thing to do? Should I try and stick it out with DH or is it best to make a clean break and get it over with?