If you are my age, how often do you have sex?

[VeryHappyIndeed]

Hello. I am having a disagreement with my husband about our sex life. I am early forties and he's fifty.

I am unhappy because I would like to have sex more often. This has been a long standing issue in our relationship. We are married and have three young children.

We both work full time. He would be happy to have sex very seldom, say once or twice a month. Recently, over a holiday period of 11 days we had sex once at the beginning and once at the end. I have a high sexual drive and feel that I need the physical connection to feel loved and close to him. When I told him - after the holiday - how upset I had been by so little sex, he was surprised. And said that for someone his age, he thought this was pretty average.

So I was wondering how often other married couples of similar age with children and working full time have sex?

I know there is no normal, and it just matter what makes each couple happy. However, I think that I may be unreasonable wanting to have sex as often as every other day? I feel rejected and really do not know what to do....

Op your dh sounds like my ideal man.. I’m also too tired at night and don’t want it in the morning either. We are both your dh’s age.

Lack of sex is soul destroying. I’ve been in relationships where there are mismatched sex drives (both ways) and I won’t do it again. It’s not trivial - it can be really damaging to the self and the relationship. I’d probably leave tbh, but understand that that wouldn’t be an option / decision everyone works make.

I think that op you do not mention that you cannot continue in your marriage with what you perceive to be lack of sex. However have you considered that if you did you could end up with less or no sex for a very long time. Just stating a fact that the grass is not always greener and you could have a worse drought.I have been divorced several years and apart from a couple of short term relationships have been on my own. I do not think it is easy even with internet dating to meet someone especially when you start hitting your 50's as a woman. This is of course based on my experience but I think I am reasonably attractive, slim and told I am young looking for my age. Others may have men beating a track to their doors.

Thank you for all the replies, it has been very helpful.

We agreed to talk about it over the weekend when we have some quiet time.

I don't think I can leave him, we love each other and are happy most of the time. Though I will insist we do something about it because it may drive us apart eventually. By the way, I am not particularly energetic, I just crave the closeness and intimacy.

Thanks again!!

I'm in my 50s, separated last year - lack of sex was one of many, many reasons - he wasn't very interested & I stopped fancying him because he was an arse.

I've been seeing someone a lot older than me who certainly doesn't subscribe to the "low libido is normal for his age" thing thank goodness

4 or 5 times a week but we don’t have children. I split up with previous partners due to sexual incompatibility and am currently with someone who has a similar drive to me.

Puss and Girl, I am happy for you. It is great that you found a partner similar to you!

He’s 50 with 3 young children and works long hours
I don’t think you need to say much more tbh
He’s exhausted

Tbh sex wares off for most long term relationships my husband for first 6 monyhs had sex 3-4 times every day
We moved in together went to 2 times a day for a year
Then I got seriously ill so 0 in 10’months

My husband is 40 I’m 48 he works 7 days a week and he is exhausted I can tell the difference as when he has time off which is rare he’s like a rabbit again

Can you too have a weekend away alone ?
Have you financial worries

Things is what was your sex kids like before kids

Is he stressed

Does he have erection problems

Is he on medication

Is he into kinky things ?

You could try role play
Or meet at a hotel bar and pretend your strangers and your dress up real sexy and go chat him up and get a room and be dominant

Thing is there’s many reason and sometimes people don’t even know what they are

I’ve had the conversations with my husband many times and I know he’s exhausted and so I told him when he’s got all the money together he needs ( there’s an end goal ) if it doesn’t change he need therapy but I know he’s simply stressed and tired

Late 40’s/50’s with teens. Maybe 4 times a year? Between work and family life our schedules are busy ........ When my head hits the pillow there’s only one thing I think about zzzzzzzzz. It is what it is.

My husband and I have been together 20 years and we have two teenage DDs. I've always been the one to initiate sex and when we do it it's always mind blowing.
But we're happy to only do it twice and month at the most. He's also seven years older than me and almost 60 years old!
We do enjoy it on holiday, especially in the open air on private balconys that can't be seen by others.
Spices things up!

4 times a year wow that’s awful lol I’d hate that sex isn’t just about sex it’s intemacy
If a mans only having sex 4 times a year there would most likely be underlying issues

Four times a year sounds reasonable to me. I think I might be able to crank myself up for that. Basically, my libido disappeared in my late forties and has never come back. DH would like more, in principle, but he's actually much too knackered. Early Sixties. No kids at home.

You had hormal problems then and Doctors could of helped
Most people aged in they’re 40 s losing sex drive would consider it a problem esp men I’m sure if your partner was honest they would tell you it’s a problem

4 times a year for you maybe okay but you need to consider your partner if you ah e no hematb problems

@VeryHappyIndeed
My ex husband eventually left me. After years of telling me there was no problems and I was just imagining it and too needy and everyone was fine, and most people didnt have sex much etc etc, it turned out he wasnt happy anyway, and is now married to someone else and I think was actually probably cheating on me in the end, but ill never know and tbh, dont actually care.
I was devastated but actually got over it much quicker than I thought and have been in a relationship now with someone for the last 13 years who also loves sex and while we dont always get the time to have as much as we want anymore because of children getting older and staying up later, we are both interested in it and in each other, and usually manage 2 or 3 times a week, sometimes less, sometimes more, and we also cuddle and kiss and I feel wanted and cared for.

If I think back to how miserable I felt in a relationship where he wouldnt and couldnt meet my needs, Iwould hate for anyone else to be feeling like I did. Life is too short.