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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don’t support her decisions and current parenting

5 replies

Amiabadfriend · 09/03/2018 19:15

I’m debating closing the door on a relationship I have with a very good friend as a result of her boyfriend....they have split up more times than I’ve had hot dinners and I think it’s brought on mental illness to my friend and her DC have suffered because of it.....our whole group of friends really dislike him because he has treated our friend like shit tbh and has cheated on her multiple times but even before this we didnt like him because he was extremely controlling and tried to get our friend to cut us all out of her life......each time they split up we worry terribly about her....she stops eating, sleeping and becomes very withdrawn and I worry for her children to need a lot of support at the moment.

I decided to contact one of his exes to get my friend to see sense and I was shocked at what she told me....he is scary and a danger to my friends mental health and probably the children’s too....I’ve told my friend and she won’t listen....for weeks she lied about seeing her boyfriend knowing we’d be wrecked about the news....we can always tell the signs she completely withdraws from us and disappears....

She is never at home with her kids but off drinking with him most nights and they are suffering because of it....each time I approach this with her she gets angry:..I don’t think I can take the worry anymore.....we’ve been through this with her so many times that I can’t continue to be her emotional crutch.....I feel like an awful person but I feel like supporting her and listening to her facilitates their relationshp.....so utterly devastated but I’ve decided perhaps NC is best with her....my other friends have done this already....

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 09/03/2018 22:23

Yeah, I'd back off for a start. She might realise then how serious you are about it all.

SandyY2K · 10/03/2018 00:10

I'd report this to Social Services if I felt the children were in danger and it sounds like they are.

This is a safeguarding matter.

Amiabadfriend · 11/03/2018 18:46

I wrote her a note and sent it to her making her aware I couldn’t continue supporting her decisions....I’ve had nothing back but I wasn’t expecting anything tbh...I did find out today that her bf has got someone pregnant and my friend knows!!! It’s made the decision all the easier for me and my other friends...I caught up with her sister this weekend and she is doing exactly the same...disillusioned just doesn’t quite cover it

OP posts:
GloriousDolores · 11/03/2018 20:42

But what about the children? If her family are starting to go no contact with her too, who is looking out for them?

It sounds like you are all abandoning them...?

springydaff · 12/03/2018 01:31

Exactly what Dolores says.

Who's there for the kids? Who's keeping an eye on them?

For goodness sake, this is a matter for Social Services

  • no ifs or buts. As pp says, this is a safeguarding issue.

Those poor kids Sad

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