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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

PLEASE PLEASE help me as need as much as advice as possible Thanks!

10 replies

naughtynippers · 06/05/2007 13:19

well to cut a long story short. I have just come out of long relationship for good. I posted a few weeks agao about a neighbour that I have always been atracted to and we have been sort of seeing each other for the past few wekks, (only peck on cheeks etc..) nothing else. He lives with his youing son that is 8. He is so very different to me but to get the point I want you to read this and give me advise.

He came round as wanted help on ebay starting an account etc so did that. I then had his email address so we sterted speaking lot and chatted forhours getting to know onanother. His wife died 6 years agao and he says he has not been with a lady in relationship for at least 2. Well I have started to have feelings for this man and he has told me he feels the same. When I went out I was thinking I wish I could have been with him etc... but today I went down for cofee nothing else and he said sorry did not get on computer last night as busy. But the thing is he did very late and is on the dating sites and he posted 20 emails to girls with the lines

  1. do you belive in love at first site
  1. do u flirt
  1. how caring are you in a relationship

The thing is why does he have to lie to me, he laos said he does not go in chat rooms. He told me he likes me lot. Is this normal would you let him flirt or would you call it aday before get more involved. I think I am going to just end it now and explain why as if he is liek this now what will he be like later...

oh i have gone on but any help much appreciated.
i know his user name and password for aol as set him up on that also the daft thing so was only just checking to see if he had been online lol- naughty I know

OP posts:
VeronicaMars · 06/05/2007 13:31

Are they harmless sites? Does it look like he is really looking for a relationship or is he on the site to get some sort of a thrill iykwim? If he is on looking for dates and he is showing interest in you as well then I would let it cool off a bit.

naughtynippers · 06/05/2007 13:41

yes that is what I am going to do. I have sent him and email as why lie. I have ehelped in so much the past few weeks, sorted him out fincailay (not helped him but rung up and sorted out0. That is what I thought he ias after dates as that is what he has put. I trusted him alot and probaly have moved from relationship a very long term one to another very quickly. I feel a bit upset this morning and know he will be calling round after work for a quick drink but have sent him and email.
To be honesthe should have not led me on, I am just so glad it has not gone any further as I would have ben hurt. I have known him a while but only sort of been seeoing him a couiple of weeks but still if you cannot trust now you cannot trust later. Thanks so much for taking time to reply to me. Much appreciated x

OP posts:
VeronicaMars · 06/05/2007 13:51

If he is alrady telling lies it's probably best left. but if he really likes you he will probably keep trying, you could keep a little eye on what he is logging on to? Naughty I know but...

naughtynippers · 06/05/2007 13:54

i know its naughty but that is what I have been doing lol... he is a bit daft to be honest but will probaly know.. but why lie about not going on the net when he did for 20 mins last night at midnight and emailed loads of girls those questions. He has not got home yet but when he does he will probaly come straight round to my house so will just be cool and then when he reads email will know its all over as I do not want sombody liek that lol

laughing now but was alittle upset this morning sad I know

OP posts:
naughtynippers · 06/05/2007 14:40

bump

OP posts:
newlifenewname · 06/05/2007 14:49

No, the question is, why allow yourself to carry on with a man who lies, not WHY does he lie!

I only know this because I had a 5 year relationship with a liar (ok, extreme liar) and had a son with him only to find myself single and emotionally abused later down the line.

When the perfect non lying man is out there for you why settle for less?

x

newlifenewname · 06/05/2007 14:55

Also, I think you may need to develop a stronger ability to trust before your nxt relationship. You really shouldn't feel you need to 'check up'.

Also, if the relationship is not yet committed but heading that way, I think keeoing options vaguely open is reasonable - maybe you shouldn't be expecting that if he is online he is automatically going to contact you. Thayt sounds a little over dependent.

naughtynippers · 06/05/2007 14:56

oh thanks just so glad not got oo involved. He has just been round lol and gave him the parcel that came and said catch you later on internet ... not likely lol

Thanks

OP posts:
newlifenewname · 06/05/2007 15:01

Try and be strong - you deserve better but you've got to believe it. Soon as you can do that, better is what will turn up!

I'm practising this myself at the moment...

divastrop · 06/05/2007 15:29

i would advise you to steer clear of relationships altogether untill you are totally over your break-up.if you get more deeply involved with this man who you already need to check up on as he's lied to you,then you will end up getting hurt,your self esteem will take even more of a battering,and you will find it even harder to trust anybody in the future.

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