I think my dp thinks I'm cheating on him...

[OhWhatAPalaver]

I've been getting odd questions from dp about my whereabouts lately. The weirdest one being after my evening class he commented on the fact I had perfume on before I went (I don't normally wear perfume, I was worried my jumper smelled funny and I was in a rush!) And then when I got back he said I was wearing a different perfume than the one I went out in, which was obviously not true, it had just faded or something, and he went round sniffing all my clothes!
I also had to go to the walk in centre recently and when I got back he asked to see what the problem was as if I'd been making it up.
I'm not sure if I'm reading too much in to things. I cheated once in a previous relationship when I was much younger but haven't done any such thing for many years now. I'm not even sure he knows about that either, I just think he doesn't seem to trust me. Our sex life is pretty rubbish since dd2 was born 20 months ago, she doesn't sleep well and he sleeps downstairs most nights as she ends up in our bed. This obviously doesn't help matters.
I'm not really sure how to approach him about his odd questions, or if should even bother asking and just let it go. Wwyd?

I would just ask him out right and give him any reassurance he needs.

By avoiding it you are letting him mind and suspicions spiral.

Unless you are having an affair then in that case avoid bringing it up 😂

Its not you, its him. He is profoundly insecure (maybe he has cheated himself previously and thinks that all others now do the same) and that is not your fault. Do not make his unfounded accusations yours to carry or be at all responsible for because they are his and his alone. He will keep on doing this to you as well and wear you down as a result.

I would seriously consider if this is a relationship you still want to be in, this is not a good example of a relationship you want to be showing and teaching your child.

This is also a good link to read:-

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-youre-accused-of-cheating/

He sounds like he has too much time on his hands & an over fertile imagination.
I couldn’t be with someone so needy, it would drive me crackers.
Don’t be made to feel guilty. I’d have to end it

I'd sit him down and ask him why he's questioning you and feeling so insecure. Talk him through any concerns he has and reassure him.
If that doesn't work, ask him if there's something that he'd like to get off his chest.

Sort out your daughter and make sure he is back sleeping in your bed.

My OH also behaves like this. Particularly if I have to stay late a work (every other Monday I stay 2.5 hours extra to minute a meeting; it's in the job description). If I ask him about it he gets quite defensive.

I've never cheated, I'm always where I say I'll be.. It's tricky OP. I'm sorry I don't have an answer, only to ask him what's up, and offer him the reassurance he needs. Of course, if it gets to extreme levels, you may need to consider something more involved, such as counselling x

It’s his bed, not your DDs.

Him sleeping downstairs has been happening a while, it's just more now that dd 2 keeps insisting on sleeping in our bed. I'm still breastfeeding and have always fed her in our bed so he goes/stays downstairs sometimes anyway as he feels me feeding her disturbs his sleep. She's only been coming to sleep in our bed the last month or so as she's has a rough time with chicken pox and other illnesses. I am aiming to stop bfing over the Easter hols so if I manage to wean her maybe he will come and sleep in our bed again.
I don't think that is the root of the problem though...

Also fwiw, it's not quite that easy to just 'sort out' a twenty month old toddler who is very attached to me and my boob's. We are both sleep deprived and struggling to just get normal household stuff done. We both work, I'm having to make up time because of how ill the kids have been this winter and we have little in the way of family help. When you're exhausted, you do what you need to do in order to get even just a few hours sleep.
And I'm definitely not having an affair, especially not with these hairy legs I've barely got time to shave at the moment!

Perhaps he is and he’s projecting?

If you don't nirmally wear perfume, then I think it was a reasonable question from him.

Even if he's not in your bed, try and get the intimacy on track. If you lose that close connection, then your relationship will suffer.

Gertie that did cross my mind..

I explained to him why I was wearing perfume because he pointed out before I left, which is fine. But the weird thing was how he reacted when I got home, sniffing my clothes and saying they smelled different! Pfft...

Suspicious minds often have something to hide...

A talk needs to be had, he must be feeling insecure at best or up to something himself.

It's not on for him to project it onto you and potentially make you feel guilty for nothing or you possibly changing your behavior to appease him.
Talking it out can sort this hopefully

I had a p who before I even had kids,monitored my movements and alluded to me cheating. Inspecting and commenting on my previously worn underwear. I didn't nip it in the bud and after dc he became very insecure and controlling. If I didn't go straight home after work and hadn't told him I went to the shops just because I felt like it, I'd come home to interrogation a sweep through my phone and emails etc.
Ditto if I came home early from work it was deemed suspicious.

It's extreme but it starts off in small forgettable ways like wearing perfume or putting on makeup.

It did come from his own actions of talking to ex's and yrs later I found he had cheated on me.

Sorry I know tbis isnortje point of the thread but I know how tiring it is nightfeeding a toddler, can you nightwean and just keep feeds for bed time and Morning?

I fed my ds till he was two and a half but night weaning saved my sanity. I just made sure I slept on my front for a few nights. Not having easy access broke the habit.

Sleep deprivation won't help. I was accused of cheating, merely because I suggested I might meet up with an old school friend and her 3 kids after 20 years.."oh, SHE'S the other woman!".. Happily married with kids, yep, likely I don't think.

Also got the same if I was late from work.. Which often happened, such is the nature of IT.

never did, never would have. No energy or inclination. Never was believed

From what I've now heard, her now husband was a thing while we were together. I'd like to think not, but it'd be the third time.. Twice online where she was caught out, and that. Projecting.

I hope I'm wrong. Have the talk, lay it all out. If I'm ever in a relationship again, if I ever feel that brave, I'll even let them track my phone and read my email if they want. They'd be bored witless..😂

Oh how I would love to nightwean... it would make life sooo much easier! Dd2 is unfortunately a stubborn little bugger and will scream at the top of her lungs until she gets what she wants.

Back on to dp, I think I will just have to ask him what his problem is. I'm not sure he actually is seeing anyone else but he needs to stop being so suspicious.