I hate my life

[lifeisfallingapart]

Basically. My life is fucking shit.

I love my DP but in all honesty? I'd have left him months ago if we didn't have a small baby together. I don't want to be a single parent so I feel so incredibly trapped. I have nowhere to go and I couldn't afford to anyway.

We share a mortgage but again, I couldn't afford it alone.

I am NC with my mother so I can't even go to her, the one person I want to talk to for advice. She's got no interest in patching things up with me and made it very clear.

My friends have their own families so I can't go to them. None of them know of my problems because I'm too proud to admit my life isn't perfect. I also live 50 miles from everyone :(

I fucking hate it and everything about it sometimes, other than my baby.

Just came to rant.

Rant away. Do you want to say more about your relationship?

Why is it you want to leave?

Loads tbh.

He is just fucking useless. It's loads of "minor" things that build up. Addressed issues several times. Promises to change. All
Is great for a few days and then back to how it was.

And please before anyone comes on to say I shouldn't have had a baby to someone I'm not married to. It's 2018. Spare me the lecture, I'm pissed off and upset as it is.

Perhaps move the 50 mikes back and start over anyway, or bide your time for a couple of years

Don't take this wrong but do you think you may have PND at all? Maybe worth reading up on this and seeing if anything resonates ? Also on the partner front maybe consider couples counselling ? You sound very upset and I feel for you xx

No one is going to come on and say that Life. No one is here to lecture you. The relationship board is usually a very supportive place.

You sound very isolated right now. Do you have support from anywhere? Baby groups, for instance.

I don't think it's that @FuckItPassMeTheWine something happened in our relationship before the little one was born and that's when I would've gone if I wasn't pregnant. Funnily enough, your username is very apt as I've just hid in the bath with a glass! Haha

Sorry @Fosterdog123 if that comment came across nasty. I didn't mean any of you that have replied, I've just seen it a lot on here.

Umm, I go to a baby group but not somewhere I could really discuss anything tbh. I go and be the "happy one" when I'm there 🙈. The other mums know each other and I can't really get into a convo with any of them anyway!

I think MN is just a bit of a release for me where I can write my feelings down...

I'm in a similar situation, with a now not so little baby. My relationship isn't terrible, but if I'm honest I wouldn't still be in it were DC not involved. I'm biding my time until I'm in a better situation with regards to splitting, I haven't worked for years now so need to ease myself back in and claw back some independence. I think it's his constant broken promises that have ruined it for me, it's broken the trust I had in him and I no longer respect him, because he clearly doesn't respect me. Sometimes I feel a flicker of hope for the longevity of the relationship when he steps up but it never lasts and each time the hope is crushed.

@lifeisfallingapart I'm so sorry you are going through such a tough time. I don't think I can give any advice, but I am listening and I understand. Rant away 

@lifeisfallingapart bath and wine always helps!!

When you say something happened between you and your partner whilst you were pregnant , is this something that you have spoken to him about and voiced your discontent? It sounds as if this maybe hasn't been addressed properly and therefore it's rumbling in the background annoying you still xx

@FuckItPassMeTheWine yes, it was addressed. It was a broken trust thing and while there was forgiveness, nothing has been the same since and I feel I nitpick at everything he does.

@leavemealoneimlonely your situation sounds very similar to mine. It's so hard because I love him so much and I don't WANT to leave, but other days I can't see another option. I think I'm going to just have plod along. I don't want my little one to have a "mums house" and a "dads house" (I do not in ANY way mean to be disrespectful or offensive to anyone with that comment).

I think just writing it all down and having people to talk to, it kind of takes a weight off.

Would counselling be something you'd consider as a couple?

As much as you love your baby, you're important too. A relationship that makes you feel undervalued and unsupported is soul destroying. Plus, children don't tend to thrive in a household where there's animosity and tension between parents.