Ex wants to (sleep over) at my house when visiting the kids. YES/NO

[TaylaD]

My ex left me 4 month after my family immigrated to the UK & went to live and work in another country. He was originally going to work overseas for a bit and commute to the UK, but then he decided to end the relationship 1 month after he found the job overseas.

Now he wants to stay at my house when he visits the kids. He could stay at his mothers house who lives 45 minutes away. Am I wrong to say no? He says he is not comfortable at his mothers house.

He pays for the house and expenses. We plan on getting a divorce after the mandatory 2 years seperation.

The problem is that I am battling to move on, and I feel I need my space. When he comes to stay at the house, I sort of go back into "Wife" mode, and cook and clean up after him, we chat and watch TV together, and carry on like normal, then he leaves again, and I fall to pieces every again. It has been now approximately 1 year and 3 months since the split. We were married for 14 years and have 2 daughters 17 & 13.

I understand you deciding t9 stay. I'm sorry it's such a difficult situation. I think he should stay with his parents and the children, so you get some time off!

I'm so angry on your behalf.

Fuck no!

He was enterprising enough to uproot a family, secure a high paying role overseas, and then dump his family...

You owe him precisely the amount of sweet fuck all.

I wouldn’t even deign to talk to him tbh. He’s a disgusting little man to hobble your life so much then walk out on it all.

Get solicitor advice over the finances, you will probably be awarded more than he thinks he should pay

If it helps you sound like an excellent Mum .

No, for all the reasons you give. If he's uncomfortable at his mother's tough - he should have thought about that before leaving. There are obvious alternatives such as hotels and Air BNBs. And suggesting that you have no responsibilities to him when you are shouldering virtually the entire burden of looking after his children is utter rubbish.

Tell him no. He chose to abandon his family, the selfish git.

He says he feels he has financial responsibilities to me and I have no responsibilities to him. How can that be fair?

It’s not true is the answer.

His financial responsibilities are to his children and their care since he abandoned them to chase a career.

You have no responsibilities to him?! Bwahahahahaha!!!

Um, how about the providing sole parental care for his two teenagers while he lives in another country?!

He can literally do what he wants, when he wants.

He has left the entire RESPONSIBILITY of caring for his children, in another country, WITH YOU, PERMANENTLY.

Too fucking right he should be providing the lion's share of cash to make that possible. While YOU take on what should half be his RESPONSIBILITY, you are hampered from - moving somewhere cheaper, moving abroad to a new job, taking on a retraining programme with unsuitable hours, taking ANY job with shifts/unsuitable hours really - basically all the career moves he could make without even thinking about it, most of them would mean some difficult, impossible or expensive lifestyle juggling for you.

Jesus is he for real!!!!

Fuck no, he doesn't get to stay at your house. 'How is that fair?' How's it fair he moved you here and then dumped you? You need to see a solicitor about your divorce.

He is a cheeky fucker. YOU do the lion’s share of raising your kids and providing for them emotionally, physically. He can stay at his mother’s.

Actually I think if you are going to wait 2 years to divorce but still essentially remain under the same roof at times you must prove yourselves to be living separately , as in not sharing cooking, washing etc, e.g living apart in the same home.

Do you know his finances? What % of his salary is he contributing?

I agree with others as you need to move on plus once you divorce he will have to find a solution.Just line up info as he may use money to punish you.
Do you have a solicitor?

Thank you to everyone who replied.

HoppingPavlova - Thank you for your lovely compliment.

Crimsonlake - He has his own apartment overseas, so that I would hope that would be proof enough that we live separately. There are other reasons I could use to get a divorce immediately, but I do not want to open up that "can of worms" so I think it would be better going this route.

I had basically thought all the things that you all said, and had told him most of them already, and yet I still had my doubts. Life does not come with a 'user manual' unfortunately. But what I do know I need to do is move on emotionally, and that is proving to be very difficult. You would think that when someone has hurt you so much, so many times, you would stop caring about them eventually. But you don't.