Is my H lying - porn sites and links to swingers/dating websites

[Whysoslow]

Today I found in my H browser history two swinger/dating sites. Clicked on them both and one was a log in page and the other was a log off saying thank you for using our site.
I was checking his device as ive had a nagging feeling that something isn't right (hasn't been for a couple of months) I've confronted him and his excuse was that he's been watching porn (swingers) and that is how the sites/links got there.
I know this isn't true. Help me process what has happened today.

Really sorry to hear this OP.

Although I suppose it’s possible that porn sites will redirect the user to other platforms, I’d find it highly unlikely so I’d agree you’re right to be suspicious.

How did he act when confronted, and how has he been acting recently?

I’d advise you to hold your nerve and seek other evidence before making a move, look after yourself and confide in RL friends if possible so you have a support network

Ask him to show you what he's been watching and tell you his log in...you know he's lying.

Due to his work he says his device has been hacked. He has denied accessing the swinger sites but admitted to the porn (which I don't have a problem with) but the site info has upset me. His behaviour has been different the past couple of months which is why I checked today. He is very distant, hasn't initiated sex and has just generally pretty much ignored me when he has always paid me attention and wanted sex regularly.

If he'd been hacked it wouldn't be on your history. Ask him to show you his emails, phone etc and do a search for the site, his registration info will be in there. Check where your nearest swingers club is and if he's out when it's open.

It could be true. Most sites you need to have a log in.

However he is looking for a reason especially as you are not getting any attention.

Might not have done anything yet but obviously curious about doing so as a minimum. At worst he already is.

They are both free sites so I guess he could go and look or do anything on them.

Swinging or watching me with another man has been a thing of his which I thought we had discussed - I will absolutely not do that, and put to bed, so to speak but apparently not. I don't mind the porn but looking at those kinds of websites is an absolute no no for me because of what it could lead to. I feel really betrayed.

As a former porn addict, I think he is unlikely to be moved to action until you seriously convince him that if he doesn't change his ways the marriage is over.
You can not know what the stuff on the web really means but even looking at porn regularly will lead to a man distancing himself from his partner. I can not really see why porn use has become socially acceptable, apart from the fact that it is all one click away and not illegal.
I'd have it out and point him towards Sex Addicts Anonymous which worked for me. But men have to be jolted into action on this one. Porn and much worse is a secret little world which a man can control and go to when he is feeling anxious. Doesn't make him a monster but if it is an addiction and if he is no longer physically close then you want to address it.

^
Christ alive what a load of bollocks. Men and women watch porn because they are masturbating.

OP if your partner is on swinger sites then he's looking for a hookup. Assuming you've agreed sexual exclusivity then he's broken that agreement.

You may choose to believe his claims of "I was only wanking over it" but be under no spells - this man, like most men, won't be sexually exclusive.

Hi
I joined a swingers website out of curiosity (yes, really) and you have to set up a profile to see any content. I was amazed how many were prepared to share their videos. It is completely different to porn, where they are obviously acting out scenarios. The videos I saw were real swingers, all shapes and sizes. It was so raw. Maybe this is what the OP DH wanted - the realism? I had no intention of meeting anyone and maybe he didn't.

Hi op, I found history on the browser of our family computer for Adultfriendfinder.

When I clicked on it there was a login page.

Luckily for me (or unluckily) my exH had left his email account logged in. So I requested a new password on the site, and got into it when they sent me a link.

At first when I confronted him, he said he was there just to look at porn (which obviously can't be found anywhere else online )

But I found his profile requesting discreet afternoon meets with women. He'd paid for the gold membership, and there was his Facebook profile photo grinning away. He was a stay at home dad and I was the breadwinner. We lived in a small village and it was perfectly clear who he was if anyone locally was looking.

Then he denied having the guts to approach anyone. Then I found a letter written in word (it's what he used to do incase he lost a partially written email - write in word and copy/paste it) to someone asking for a meet up because his wife was frigid but he couldn't leave his child.

He cancelled the account and we had counselling but I found him reregistered 8 more times, until I could forgive no more.

I think the mindset of some people is that they have a fantasy and want to enact it, he's tried you and you've said no, but he's fixated on making it happen, convincing himself he deserves it, must try it or some other bullshit and is finding a way.

I experienced this, because I logged into it myself. Childish I know, but I wanted my exH to see how it felt to have your partner on there touting for sex.

What I didn't count on was receiving around 20-30 emails a day from men, mostly married. They all started pretty much with...my wife won't do X,Y or Z.....

So sorry you have to go through this stressful shit, even if it is innocent. But I'd be tempted to login myself if I were you, and see if he has a profile requesting meet ups.

Mick - I doubt it will be under his real name though?
I've gone onto the site today and was about to register but couldn't go through with it....

Third - can I ask if you are male or female?

whysoslow - I am female. I did get bombarded with requests to meet and invitations to watch their video's. I canx very quickly, lol. Was a real opener tho.

“If your partner is on a swingers site then he is looking for a hook up”

Not necessarily. I am interested in that scene and have joined out of curiosity. I haven’t messaged anyone.

He clearly has a fantasy that you don’t want to indulge (fair enough). However, if the fantasy is to be cuckolded, as it sounds, then it is unlikely he willl be wanting to hook
up. He is actually more likely to be looking at men on that site to indulge his fantasy.

Your husband probably harbours a fantasy involving watching you with other men; like most fantasies it is not going to be realised, but his visits to swinger sites allow him to explore his fantasy and be stimulated by it.

You have to decide what your reaction to it will be. I hate to say it, but when you go snooping through computer histories, you rarely find things that make you happy.

@Whysoslow if you register you can search for members in the locality. There's normally quite a lot of personal info on them. Age, location, photos etc.

Harder if you live in a big city but not completely impossible to find him.

He could be indulging in just the fantasies of looking at other couples - Adulthub is a site where a lot of people share videos to full members etc.

They also have chat rooms with cams for people to watch. Many people like the previous posters go on to satisfy curiosity as indulge from afar.

Hopefully this is what he's doing.

Xpc - I understand that snooping often ends in someone being hurt but I'm not going to ignore a gut feeling that I've had for months and I'd rather know what my H is doing and confront him and try to resolve issues than be totally unaware and live a lie. The latter is not why I got married and had children for. He knows my stance on this issue and this is what has pissed me off.

Fabswingers? If you want to PM any info I'll take a look for you. You'd be amazed how many people use a full face photo as their profile pic.

Ive got his bank statements and he isn't paying for these sites but I know he can still look at a lot of stuff without paying.

third I'm not surprised you bailed.....this stuff gives me the creeps and I'm not a prude by any means.

You can but looking is not touching as some are saying. This may be more than you are prepared to accept but I would bet it is just part of a fantasy for him rather than him contacting anyone.

To be honest, if he messaged a woman on there, he would be one of hundreds messaging the same one. Unless he is a George Clooney lookalike with a big one he won’t be getting a reply.

I’ll bet he is looking at either couples or straight men as this is his fantasy.

If he won’t listen to you though about what you find acceptable then it is you that has a decision to make.

In m experience in general

Your instincts are usually right

Men will lie and lie and lie until they're but in the face, if you don't have hard evidence of exactly what they've been doing then there is no way they will admit to more than the bare minimum explanation

It's pathetic TBH

Mine has issues with spending money, I can just imagine the "honest face". Oh I got redirected I never looked. Oh there's a log in I must have been hacked. Pull the other one mate.

baled what makes you look at these sites when there is so much on porn sites regarding swinging?
And when you say he's looking at either couples or straight men are you hinting he could be bi? He does have a cuckold fantasy and I need to find out from him what part of that fantasy does it for him. I'm really hurt by this fantasy and im worried that he could act on a whim.