Have I got mental issues..?

[upsadaisydo]

Because H thinks I have...
Im a regular btw.

I have problems with my inlaws since a huge argument around year ago. They were very rude to me and it was alcohol fueled (on their part) They NEVER apologised yet seemed to have crept back in and now im sure they feel things are back to normal. I however are cival etc to them BUT things will never be the same..too much hurtful things were said.iykwim.

Since ou ds was born around 3 months ago h has changed and is so much more welcoming to his parents and tbh I feel like he never really stood up for me his wife when the issues were about.He seems to bad mouth my parents and inparticular my mum to me as well as to friends but thinks he can make it ok by saying the same about his parents. I feel he's like this as now we don't just need my mums help etc BUT can now use his parents. So to me its like he can be how he likes to my mum as he knows he has his parents for back up iykwim...I also find him now quite rude and disrespectful to my parents in ways I never would be to his..

Problems are due the amount of times we see both sets of parents. They both live local and sometimes pop in unannounced and atm we are back to weekly visits. I know some mner's see their parents/il's monthly/yearly BUT I really would love to swap positions.
I just feel like my weekends revolve around seeing parents and it seems to take 4/5 hours from leaving home to getting home..almost our day gone. I feel like dh would drop things for them at the drop of a hat yet when it come to friends we rarey see them..oh unless you count the times he sits in a pub etc with them minus me...

I suffered with pnd with dd and I can feel it creeping back..all over parents and it really is making me want to leave dh. BUt he thinks Im mental and have issues.I honestly feel I would be happier minus him. All I want is to not be ruled around visits every weekend and feel like if we went away (chance would be a fine thing) that we wouldn't have to make up lost visits by seeing them a few times in a week.

I used to have a close relationship with my mum but things have changed, I feel this is due to dh because he would comment if I saw mum and moan why were we visiting them when she had already seen dd that week..he would moan my parents saw the kids more than his (Mum doesn't work)..etc..Tit for tat really. BUT when questioned now he says its doesn't bother him etc. but I just feel like I have had to change my relationship to suit dh.

DH seems to go from having no time for parents to wanting to see them..to even calling them in front of friends etc then ringing them asking if we cn visit..IMO bizarre behaviour from him when he claims to have no time for either set..??!

Am I being unreasonable..?

Sounds very strange behaviour on your husbands part. Could you maybe set some ground rules together regarding your parents? But you would both have to stick to them for example no bad mouthing parents, set visits to grandparents(i.e one set 1st saturday/sunday of month and one 3rd), grand parents may visit by invitation. Depending on your circumstances, distances to travel etc, change to suit your family unit.
Could you not use these eager grandparents to have some time to really talk to H? Would you be able to hand them over for a few hours? Either for relate or just a meal and a talk?
I'm the opposite to your situ - me and dp actively avoid our parents but then I often have that parental guit that ds doesn't see his grandparents enough.

Thing is we both were fine with seeing then every other w/e and a day was set aside to see both sets..we know there is no way we could get away with seeing them once a month etc but since ds was born things have gone to pot iykwim. DH is off work still (self emp) and feels like w/e's are not a precious as they were as he's home during the week atm yet I feel that if we carry on with weekly visits them once he does return to work then it will be hard to say to both sets "oh we won't see you as often"...with both sets whatever we say gets ignored.

I have suggested to dh we go to relate over other issues (he goes out with the lads more often than I go out and can;t stop at a few drinks and arrives home around 5/6am..) but he won't and we are both quite keen NOT to leave the dk's with gp's esp as ds is only months old and has been quite ill.

I agree that I do find dh's actions odd and have tod him so but he just turns it around and makes me seem the odd one for not wanting to see parents..UT as I keep telling him, I don't want MY/OUR w/d's ruled by their visits..ffs I can count the amount of times on one hand we have gone out for the day as a family...

I can't understand him..one sentance he says's he has no time for parents and that they are a pain in the arse..next he hints to me "oh do we have any plans this w/d" which I know means: " Oh can we fit a visit to parents please".

He kows that he plants the seed with me and that I will come around to his idea as he makes me feel guilty BUT this time I have had enough..He thinks im OTT and madd BUT I eriously feel this will split us..tonight I told him so and his reply.." If it does then it does"...
Does that sound like the words of a devoted h..?

Upsa

Your husband's behaviour does seem a bit strange and very competive.

My DH same but tbh it started before we had DS - spend more time with him mum than mine - odd given his mum lives abroad also wants MIL to have more influence than my mum. Worse still, we had been thinking about going to live with my mum but he's suddenly shelved that idea and would prefer to bring up ds in our small flat.

Do you think that your MIL is lobbying him. Do both sets of parents get on (if both live local?).

Very much agree with Kay - you need rules so that both sets enjoy grandchildren equally and that you have a bit of your own family time as well.

Interested to here more on this one as this is quite strange.
good luck

Doesnt sound at all as if there is anything wrong with you. These are important issues to you (and would be to me - couldnt stand to have either his or my family take up so much of my weekend!) and he is disregarding how you feel as unimportant. Could it be something to do with the birth of your DS?