Talking to cheating XH

[Supa3girl]

For those of you in a relative situation where you have children. What is the best approach?

Simply searching for guidance x

My wife had an affair 6 months after our son died, 2 months after we found out why. She was 6 weeks pregnant with my daughter (had the test) at the time.

I treat her like a queen, had a great opportunity and future together. I tried to work through it but she nook too long to come clean with everything. We’ve split and it’s amicable but I don’t have any respect for her or trust in her at all. I can’t talk about our sons death at all because I’ve absokutely no trust in her. I am civil for the sake of our families who don’t know and my daughter who doesn’t either. If I didn’t have a daughter I’d never speak to her again. I’ve helped her get back on her feet with a new flat etc but in all honesty I just look at her and see nothing.

You have to bite the bullet and just be civil. It’s hard, but you have to. After we split, I decided to give up my place in the family grave we got when my son died so I’ll never be buried with him. I think to myself why should I but do I want to be the guy who stops my sons mum from being buried with him? It’s sacrifices and everyone has different situations and ways of dealing with it. Ultimately you just have to tailor your situation to what suits you best and your family, mainly your children who are totally innocent parties.

It really depends on how amicable you both are.
How much you are hurting.
How much of an impact it has on you when you do have to communicate with him.
If he's a narc or abusive.....
Some people can chat and text quite easily.
Others need to keep it to the bare minimum so will often have a different email account or different phone and the content can only be about kids, access, etc....
Some can't do that and have to go through a 3rd party.
You do what you feel comfortable with though.
Don't be bullied into anything.

My exW cheated on me and for the first few months I could barely look at her. Didn’t help that she lied through her teeth about the whole thing (and still, years later, denies they actually fucked before she ended the marriage - despite my having concrete evidence to the contrary).

We’ve been through periods where communication flip-flopped and got better and then worse but we’ve sort of plateaued now (7 years on) to a civility which is on a level with talking to a stranger at a house party. We can talk about the kids and we keep any conversations solely about them.

I will never forget what my exW did and I’ll never forgive many of the things she’s responsible for, but eventually you get to a place where it’s workable.

It's so hard to recognise what is ideal. I figure their is no ideal arrangement as you have stated, I will have to improvise.