Nc with siblings and Mother's Day

[chunkychopss]

How do you deal with Mother’s Day if you are nc with your siblings? Every year it seems my 2 sisters plan a nice day out with my mum and if I question it my mum says it’s not her fault they take her out every year. I have asked to spend the day with her before but they plan things so far in advance ie 11 months before that I don’t really have a chance.
I am pretty sure my mum prefers to go out with two of her daughters instead of one (me) as well. The last 5 years my mum has spent every birthday, Christmas and Mother’s Day with them. It hurts but I think this year I will just spend time with my own family and get on with it.

I am nc with my two wicked sisters. Like your sisters, my sisters are extremely competitive over our mother. I have to laugh, they go to such ridiculous lengths.

I've long accepted I come bottom of the pile. Mainly bcs I wouldn't force or bully my mum the way they do, so it naturally falls that they get the best.

However, my mum tries to be fair. She is getting really old now and she isn't spotting their manipulations so well. Obviously I say nothing bcs the point is I don't want her to suffer bcs of the impasse between me and my evil sisters. There's two of them and one of me - I generally bow out.

It actually serves me to not be around too much bcs too much exposure to my family, even once removed, makes me go a bit peculiar. My sisters are a toxic pair and they can poison from a distance. It serves me to be on the fringes.

My mum knows I love her and I know she loves me. In a way I've already said goodbye to her - any extra time with her is a bonus.

Same here but with MIL. We don't invite her on the special days now as we assume she is with SIL. We invite her on different days and contact has been much reduced since the family split but MIL could have intervened and minimised the damage, but chose not to get involved.
She would say that SIL asks her first but it's quite obvious that she prefers to be with SIL and her children.
I can't say it doesn't hurt but it gets easier if you take control of the situation and pick a different date without discussion.

Tbh I think I am going to send a card through the door before Sunday and just get on with the day as I have before. I won’t take her out this year as I don’t think it’s ok to leave one child out of three for 5 years running out of all occasions and I think it’s time I stopped allowing her to let them have the actual day every time and me whatever time she finds herself free thereafter.

I think it’s one thing saying it’s not her fault we are nc but it is her fault I haven’t seen my mum for 5 years on a Christmas/ birthday or mother’s days. I do believe that she could at least consider me in her birthday plans etc but she says yes to the first offer which comes so soon after the last one I honestly don’t think I should have to compete for her time and am not going to.
Thanks for the replies they’ve helped.

Be careful not to cut off your nose to spite your face. Do you really want to damage your relationship with your mother by only sending a card to her this year, instead of taking her out as you've done in previous years?

What are you expecting to happen? The message I'd get from this would be that my dd would rather make a childish point in her feud with her sisters than have a mother/daughter celebration with me.

You're the one who has excluded herself from family celebrations. You did this because you are happier not to have your sisters in your life. Fair enough. But you need to accept that there are negative consequences from your actions and celebrating on a different day is one of them.

It saves you from having to pretend to be civil with the bonus of having one to one time with your mother. Focus on that rather than nursing your grievance and turning it into a drama and a competition.

Do what you feel is best for you. And please make sure you have a wonderful mother's Day with your DC. [Flowers]

I think the card through the door is the right way forward. Mothers' Day is one day and she doesn't want to spend it with you. She wants to spend it with your sisters. Every year,. That doesn't sound like someone who deserves a gift to be honest. She has prioritised your sisters for too long. It must be very hurtful.

I hope your kids spoil you rotten.

Thanks! I don’t want to create competition I’ve decided to simply say I’m spending it with my dc going forward if she asks

I suppose I kind of tried to put myself in my mums shoes and decided that if my dc were nc for 5 years I’d probably at least make an effort to see the one on their own at least once in that time so yes I’ve kind of accepted that the way forward is to accept what’s been ongoing for years and let her spend the day with them if that’s what she prefers to do. Im not going to create a second Mother’s Day for her this year. If she wants me there next year or for her bday/Christmas she can sort something out and invite me.

Hope everyone has a nice Sunday