Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am not going mad

6 replies

islademenorca · 06/03/2018 07:52

Background info:
Been with dp for 21 years (not married). Two adult DCs both students so still dependant.

Our relationship broke down 8 years ago. DP refused to leave the property, said i would have to move out and because i had just been made redundant wouldn't be able to take children with me as no income to support them. I was trapped financially. A couple of years passed and we patched things up.

It has just dawned on me that 'patching' things up was basically me doing everything to try and keep him happy. Lost all my friends because he didn't like me going out with or without him. I stopped my gym membership because he said we couldn't afford it (we could). I was working again full time but he was never happy that house chores/cooking/cleaning etc not up to scratch. He worked full time but obviously worked harder than me in his mind and shouldn't have to clean or attend one of the dcs appointments/events etc. Constantly walking on egg shells

Mental/emotional abuse grew and grew, it's been like water torture but i know i am not going mad/ungrateful/useless and every other insult he has thrown at me. I slept on the sofa last night as couldn't stand to be in the same bed. His response was to come down and wake me up every 2 hours, shouting, throwing things.

I am at breaking point. Still can't afford to move out but really cannot stay any longer. i am worrying about when he comes home from work already.

what an earth do i do? has anyone else had a similar situation?
sorry this is long and full of waffle.

OP posts:
Cricrichan · 06/03/2018 08:18

Do you own the property too? He would have had to pay for his children too and you would get benefits. See a solicitor and see what benefits you'd be entitled to.

AJPTaylor · 06/03/2018 08:23

for heavens sake.
you work full time
you will have half of marital assets
your dc are adults.
why are you there? why do you think you cant afford to leave?

EBearhug · 06/03/2018 08:31

you will have half of marital assets

Except they're not married.

RandomMess · 06/03/2018 09:05

Speak to Woman's Aid Thanks they will help you leave Thanks

islademenorca · 06/03/2018 09:06

No not married. We both own the property. Tiny 3 bed terrace in northern town, probably worth £90k, not much equity.

I work full time again now but it is my own new business. First year of trading and am earning less than minimum wage but this should increase to a good amount over next 18 months. What I am worried about is having the moving out costs/ upfront costs of renting.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 06/03/2018 09:11

Start the legal process to force the sale of the house hopefully once he realises you mean business he'll offer to but you out.

I still think WA will be able to give you solid advice.

If he starts threatening you: you are scared etc call the police out and get him removed from the property you should be able to gain order to prevent him living there whilst you sort finances out etc

New posts on this thread. Refresh page