Got another woman

[NameChange1978]

Hi all

Long term MN user here, not sure why I'm posting, maybe just a hand hold and somewhere to vent?

Started seeing a man last April and saw each other a couple of times a month. He said he didn't want a relationship but that was fine by me as I'd just come out of a relationship and didn't want to jump into another. So far so good.

We last met each other around 3 weeks ago - at his house. You can imagine my surprise when on Saturday night he walks into our local with a younger woman in tow... I know this woman but she had no idea we had anything going on (I kept it quiet). It emerged that he'd moved her into his house and they were sat at the same table as me and my friends making eyes at each other and kissing.

Seems he was ready for a relationship, just not with me...

I know he hasn't done anything wrong, but god it hurts...

Sorry it hurts. I actually think he’s done a few things wrong.

1. it’s seriously rude to sit at the same table as you without acknowledging you and without having told you about her existence.
2. he’s started a relationship with her without telling her he has fuck buddies still. This is not ok for you or her as she’s obviously been cheated on for some period of time (they wouldn’t have moved in together overnight) and he’s unwittingly turned you into an OW.
3. he’s (presumably) ended your arrangement without telling you (I’m assuming you won’t continue it now you know). He should have had the decency to tell you personally.

Ultimately maybe he was telling the truth in April about not wanting a relationship and maybe he wasn’t, but one thing you do know is that this guy is no prize. If you’d been in a relationship with him then he’d have been cheating on you instead of with you. Onwards and upwards. I’d suggest that you didn’t get into another fuck buddy situation though, it sounds like you can’t do it without developing feelings and that will inevitably get you hurt.

Easy for me to say but it sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape from this arsehole.

Everything Angelf1sh says +1.

Being hurt (and frankly being disrespected because sitting in front of you kissing someone else IS disrespectful) is horrible but it sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape.

Maybe take this as a sign you’re feeling more ready for a relationship, and hopefully you’ll find someone kinder (and more classy).

Well I don't agree he hasn't done anything wrong! You've had a lucky escape.

The younger woman may well be angry with you for not telling her. They could have been together ages?

Thanks for your comments! He did acknowledge me, knew I was in the pub but appeared with her anyway? Who does that?!

I'd have appreciated some honesty and although I'd still have been hurt at least I'd have been forewarned...

You should have said 'wow you move quickly .... by the way I think I left my bra at your house the other week please just bin it now as I don't want it back there's not enough soap in the works to clean it'

Lucky escape I'd say

At best it's just bad fucking manners. What disrespectful tool.

you should have leaned over and casually poured your drink in his lap

then she would have had to ask why you did that!

A lot of those things did cross my mind, but I didn't want to cause a scene and upset her - as she's done nothing wrong or to hurt me.

Worst thing - we've actually been getting closer as friends and are meant to be out on Saturday together - that's bound to be making him twitchy...

Oh and definitely a lucky escape...

You’re friends with her? Oh I don’t think that’s going to work. You either need to cut contact with her or you need to tell her the truth. Immediately. You can’t lie to your friend about this. If I were her and you told me today/Saturday then I might forgive you for not saying it in the pub because of shock, but if you hang out with her and say nothing then you’ve collided with him to keep it secret and I would never be ok with that. Sisters before misters. He’s a shit abd sge should know that now before she invests too much into him. There’s probably a lot of OW in the background.

We're recent friends if that makes sense? We've known each other years but moved in different circles... we've only met a few times as friends but neither of us has known about the other - awkward

I think she should know. He could have been seeing you both at the same time . Don't let his mess blow up in your face

OMG - She deserves to know what a disrespectful slimeball he is.
Please warn her.
Well done not reacting.
I would have.

I've had a think about it and maybe I should tell her...

Tell her she will probably be as shocked as u were!

Me2you I was so shocked I went to the toilet and was sick. I really had to get my head together to continue like normal in the pub

Thank you Springydaff 😘

That's nearly a year you were seeing him 😲. He's an arsehole and I am not surprised you are so hurt. I wouldn't bother telling her. I would never acknowledge him in any way again, ever.