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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I’m an idiot

10 replies

PickledLilly · 05/03/2018 22:04

Caught out my partner a few years ago messaging prostitues and using porn, left him, went to counselling, gave him another chance for the sake of DD, time passed, had another child. Guess what? He’s gone and done exactly the same shit again. Fucking wanker. Furious with myself for putting myself in this position.

OP posts:
NotLinkedInSnowedIn · 05/03/2018 22:09

:-(

You will leave him certain you're doing the right thing now though. To have left wavering, lacking faith in your decision would have been bad too. This time there'll be fire in your belly.

Original poster
PickledLilly · 05/03/2018 22:13

I just feel like such a fucking idiot. It would have been so much easier to leave with only one child in tow who was too young to be bothered instead of now with two kids who are old enough (particularly DD) to find it difficult. Add to that I just changed jobs to something which is under 16 hours so I can’t even get working tax credits. I’m so angry with myself for putting up with his shit for so many years for an easy life in the short term and making life so much harder for myself long term.

OP posts:
Original poster
PickledLilly · 05/03/2018 22:14

And of course, I’m getting all the predictable wailing ‘but I love you’ and that it will all be different this time and he’ll never do it again. I keep saying ‘you said that last time’ but it doesn’t seem to be getting through.

OP posts:
NotLinkedInSnowedIn · 05/03/2018 22:22

The I love yous wont work this time. I did the same thing. Forgave abuse. Had another child. I see now that was ridiculous. But it is never gonna sting like it does when you get back on your feet and move on. I hope you can change jobs again and get credits.

DamsonOnThisDress · 05/03/2018 22:39

You're not the idiot. At all.

You tried. You know now.

Please be kind to yourself. Flowers

Gemini69 · 05/03/2018 22:41

he never stopped OP... Flowers

DamsonOnThisDress · 05/03/2018 22:41

If you're not getting through would it not be best to stop trying? Might be easier for you try to deal with this if you're not having to deal with his histrionics. Let him go to buggery and look after yourself.

SandyY2K · 05/03/2018 22:44

Messaging prostitutes would be the nail in the coffin.

anxiousnow · 05/03/2018 23:14

You are not the idiot! He Is! So sorry he has betrayed you again.
I know you said 'messaging' prostitutes but I would still get an std check to be safe. Sorry this has happened to you. Hope you have rl support.

Original poster
PickledLilly · 06/03/2018 07:18

No need for a std check, he’s not been anywhere near me. He doesn’t actually want sex with a normal woman as part of a relationship Hmm

OP posts:
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