Marriage over but still struggling with feelings of resentment

[Rutsville]

Last year my DH and I separated. It was my decision after spending quite a long time trying to make it work. During the marriage I often felt annoyed by his lack of support, lack of care, how much he had to work, how I always had to ask for any support I needed (he would never offer), in particular with regard to childcare, etc.

I made the decision to end it because he couldn’t be the person I needed him to be. I felt frustrated and resentful that treated me neglectfully, and the problem is that I continue to feel those feelings now.

Shortly after we split up he dived headlong into what is now turning into a serious relationship and seeing how much time & effort he is putting into it is bringing back lots of bad resentful feelings for me. I feel annoyed and hurt he couldn’t do that for me/our family.

How can I move on from these feelings? There’s part of me that wants him to know how it makes me feel to get it out my system, but I know there is no point. It’s over. Everyone says I need to focus on me now but I am finding myself tired and withdrawn during the time off that I do have.

I need to snap out of it but feel stuck in a rut. Any advice appreciated.

People often put a lot if effort and site their best side in the beginning of a relationship. Im site he was the same with you at the beginning too.

It's only one year in...and perhaps he's learnt that he won't keep a woman by being so slack and not putting in effort.

I hear the same about men who were useless dads...but when they have more children later... they are so involved.

Maybe I should take comfort in the fact I knew I deserved better and I haven't spent my whole life in that situation.

Yeah it will get better in time.

Maybe you should realise he is the same person?

Sure he’s putting his best foot forward but that’s only temporary!

People can rarely change their inner fabric

Either way he wasn’t good enough for you so start looking forward otherwise you are wasting your emotional energy on something entirely pointless

Are you in a relationship now yourself? How are you getting on with life? I understand why you feel resentful, however, your resentment if unchecked, could easily develop into bitterness.
At some point - sooner rather than later - you need to work towards forgiveness and release. You risk demanding a pound of flesh from him. You seek some sort of justice but you may realize that you will still feel angry even after giving him your peace of mind.
You feel vindicated, yes , but in many ways that is the unfairness that comes with separation and divorce. Let it go - it's all in the past now, no need to expend more energy on how he is conducting his life now and how much effort he is putting into what.
His neglectful treatment of you was probably not intentional. It could be the relationship dynamic was not right. i.e you two simply didn't get along on some level. As someone already said, he is not worth your effort now, otherwise you are in danger of letting him control you - through you anger and bitterness - remotely and without his being aware!! That's too much power girl to surrender to another human being. Remember, that anger and resentment will keep you attached to him. Detach completely now!!!! It's a process but begin to focus on more important things in your life.

Men seem to move on quickly as a way of avoiding grief and also avoid having to look at their contribution to a marriage ending.

He will be the same person and its really unlikely he has changed.Its still honeymoon period.

Are you divorced yet? A year is still early days.