Tonights the final straw for our relationship

[CatLadyToddlerMother]

I have another thread on Relationships about how Social Services think my husband can this put our DD (2.8 but developmentally 2) first, and how they are in the process of rehousing me and DD.

Well tonight he assaulted me. I’m so shocked and ashamed. I’ve reported it to the police and he’s been arrested. Currently sat on my mums sofa wrapped in a duvet while DD cries in the travel cot behind me unable to sleep.

I feel sick, it was so awful, DD was just two feet away from us when it happened, if he can hurt me what could he do to my precious girl?

That’s it for us, I was hoping we could make amends if he attended parenting courses etc but now that’s it, I can’t be live with someone who could potentially hurt my child. He’s been arrested and my statements been given, he had to face ge embarrassment of being carted away while at work as well...probably petty of me to think like this.

So what now? I plan to call women’s aid when the police officer has called me to say he’s been released —she’s going to tell me where he plans to go so I can plan my own next move—. I’m so scared but am desperate to get home to my cat.

Also not sure what to do tomorrow, DD has a hospital appointment but I’m not sure I’m up to going, what do I say if I have to cancel?

So much going through my head. Not idea what happens now and how to untangle the mess that isn’t my life. How could I be so stupid and put DD in this position?

Struggling to no what to write here, I want to say sorry this happened to you. And well done for being so brave and calling the police

I'm so sorry this happened op, but well done for getting out and getting the police onto him! Stay safe
as for DD hospital appointment, is it urgent? If not just cancel and reschedule if not could you maybe ask your DM or somebody to take her?

Dd finally snoring away, feel so awful letting her cry herself to sleep but everything else I tried wasn’t working

My mums working tomorrow from 7am so will be put before the appointment, my brother doesn’t drive. It’s urgent in the sense we’ve waited a good 3 month for this appointment but it’s not so urgent it can’t wait a few weeks. I’ll cancel, get my head together.

Hopefully he will be kept in the cell overnight and put before a judge tomorrow to be charged - he maybe bailed not to contact you or go to your home address.
I'm sorry your going through this. You've done the right thing and have been brave. He won't change. Look after yourself.🌺

Well done for calling the Police and getting to safety. The Police will let your SW know what's happened too, but you could call them tomorrow... they can help you get in touch with Women's Aid or other local support.

Police called, he’s admitted it which means there’s no I need for it to go to court for plea hearing. He’s been bailed until sentencing at the end of the month. He’s not allowed to contact me or any member of my family, he’s got to go to a hostel for a few days as his parents where apparently called heard he’d assaulted me and his dad said “if I see him I’ll do the same to him” so no idea what’ll happen now. I’m still at my mums, still going to call women’s aid but I’ve got a headache and with DD finally asleep I’m sure it can wait until morning. Police said s contact SS but if I want to contact my social worker myself to speed things along a bit she’d recommend I do it.

Distance yourself and try not to feel 'guilt' that he's in a cell. I was always afraid to make trouble for my x, which sounds utterly ridiculous now. You're brave reporting it to the police. Well done.

Hi, I read your other thread. He was already sounding like a toss pot before but this really proves it. Well done for getting out, build a memory and if you ever think of trying again with him, remember how you feel right now.

Are SS still working with housing association to find you and DD a new place? Or now it's escalated could you get a restraining order and keep current property?

Either way keep working with them. Your parenting was never in any doubt, he's been the problem from the start. They will do all they can to support you to build a new life, where all his sh*t is a distant memory.

I was on your other thread. I'm sorry he has assaulted you. He can kiss goodbye to 50/50 for sure now. SS will be informed by the Police. The main thing is you and your DD are safe.

I’ve spoken to Women’s Aid and hopefully seeing them later in the week, my social worker has also called and I told her what happened. She was quite shocked but said I’d done the right guy thing.

The problem now is if he’s gone back to our flat while I’ve been with my mum. An injection may not be granted to get him out as me and DD are classed “safely housed”. I’ve spoken to the Housing Association and they’re going to get back to me once they’ve looked at the legal side of things, as it maybe that I now have to be rehoused as a priority, the problem is that now doesn’t have to be in my home town which would make things difficult for me in terms of DD and my family. Social Worker was not impressed with that though as she says it’s not fair for me to basically be punished for trying to keep my child safe.

So now it’s just about what happens and when. Already sick of being at my mums. Much as I love her I miss my home and my cat, and being in control. Women’s aid have offered me a refuge but again it won’t be close to family and with DDs issues it could make her worse.

I hate him for basically punishing me for his anger issue

I’m so sorry, OP. I’m glad you’ve got support. Is someone looking after/feeding the cat? If not, you need to speak to RSPCA/ local vet.

We think my husband might be in the flat so he’ll be feeding her if he is but I can’t contact him to find out

Just sobbed so I can’t cry anymore when DD said her first 5 word sentence “I want to go home” 😭😭😭 how do I tell her we can’t go home?

Home isn't bricks and mortar, it's where she's loved and safe. You will build a new home for the two of you and it will be a million times better then were you used to live. It will be full to the brim with happy memories, and won't have been tainted by his manipulation and anger.

Can you get someone trusted to check 100% is he is at the flat?

He’s at the flat. The housing officer from the HA popped over pretending to enquire about how quickly repairs get done and he’s answered the door. I assume he’ll be feeding the cat.

So I’ve now got to go down the injunction route or be rehoused. I’m not really strong enough atm to fight him legally but at the same doesn’t seem fair that DDs life is in that flat

So what happened to him going to a hostel?

As for housing for you and your daughter, a house is just bricks and your daughter is only 2 years old, she wont remember that flat in a year to come. It's creature comforts she's missing, and you can have that regardless of whether you go back to your current home or get a new one.

According to the housing officer he was only offered a hostel for 1 night. So I have 3 choices:

1. ask him if he’s willing to leave the flat and sign over to me solely so I can live there with DD
2. Get an occupation order or similar to get him out of the flat so DD and I can move in
3. Ask to be rehoused sign away the flat to H and be priority rehoused with DD

With 1 and 2 there’s no guarantees and to have no idea how long it’ll take to get an order to get him out and I may not even get one. And with 3 the HA have said there’s no guarantees I’ll be in my home town. So basically I’m losing whatever I do.

I would go with Option 1 first and ask the question. Is the flat rented or owned?

Either way, if the answer is a no from him, then I would get yourselves rehomed as quickly as possible so your daughter is settled. You may just have to go with it if it ends up being out of your home town and try and get moved closer once you're in and settled

I think it sucks that he assaults you, and it's you and your daughter that have had to move out of your home. More than sucks, it's appalling, it's as if he has no remorse for what he has down or forced you two out of your home

Housing Association rented flat.

Can't they evict him and sign the flat to you solely?

Quite honestly OP - in your shoes I would ask to be rehoused as a priority, and as far away as possible.

The problem with going back to 'your' flat is that he knows where you live! I'd want to disappear from him.

Option 1 sounds tricky,is he really going to ok I'll sign it over to you,and just Leave ye live happily ever after? You could go for option 2,if you feel strongly enough about wanting to live there. Option 3,does mean you get you and dd's your own safe place....who knows you might love it more than your last place(fresh start,no bad memories) ps,can anyone go get the cat?

They can’t evict him because both our names are on the tenancy so he can legally live there as can I.