Friend always trivialises my problems - what should I do?

[ThisIsAWifeMineNow]

Recently I had a big work problem and I was telling my friend a bit about it. She was v breezy and said "oh don't stress" etc. But I'm self-employed so it was all my responsibility and so I was stressed. (To the extent it was affecting my family. I do need to work on dealing with stress but that's another issue.)

She has done this before. I have helped her through all her problems and listened for hours and hours. My problems generally perhaps aren't as bad as hers, I know that, but she also makes me feel it.

Should I say something? I don't know if I'm being over-sensitive.

Tempted to reply "oh don't stress about it" :o
Yanbu but some people do think they're helping with this sort of attitude

IF she said “yes, you really need to stress, that’s a massive problem and the consequences are awful. All your problem...” would you have felt better?

Is she trivialising them or trying to de-stress you?

‘I thought you knew me well enough to know my way to de-stress is to think things through come up with options. Would of you prefer for me not to?’ Would be my response.

Stealth

Thanks Joys that's really good. I think that's what I wanted, to have a 10 minute rant and offload and then her say ok I can see that wasn't great but it will be ok or whatever.

I would not choose her to confide in again. That may mean that she's just not the friend you need, or just a friend for the good times not the bad.

You could try saying: 'I just need to off-load if that's OK with you. Telling people I'm stressed helps me. You don't have to come up with a solution; just listen'

But that might be too much for her. Sounds like she doesn't want to do negative emotions

If she’s just told you she’s got cancer and you were responding “oh god that’s awful, I’ve also got a paper cut” then I can understand her minimising it, but I doubt that’s the case here. Assuming it’s normal to serious type problems, then I think it’s reasonable for you to let her know that her response has upset you a little, but I wouldn’t go overboard because it’s possible that she genuinely thought what she said would help. Some people prefer just to vent, some people like constructive ideas, some people just want hand holding. If you tell her what response you’d like then see how she responds next time.

I had a "friendship" like this many years ago. I was always there for her during her many, many problems, but if I needed even a whisper of support, she was out the door and down the hall. After being "friends" for 8 years, I had enough and moved on. I finally realized that I was HER friend, but she definitely wasn't mine.

I have a friend who did this. I called her out on it and asked her (in a diplomatic way) how she would feel if I responded how she did, she actually said "I'd feel crap"

After the initial tension we had a bit of a laugh about it and she's never done it since. And she actually listens to what I say now. As I have with her, all along.