Unattractive to friends

[Cobblersandhogwash]

I have no friends. No real friends.

The friends I thought I had are actually quite dismissive or not interested or even unkind. (one actually yelled abuse at me over the telephone the other evening).

I've been dropped by friends over the years for no real reason that I can fathom.

I'm not attractive as a person to other people. Nobody wants to hang out, have a cup of tea, meet for lunch or even just chat.

I feel like such a victim. I hate it.

What can I do to improve this? I would like some friends

I am friendly, smily and try to be positive.

DH says I should just crack on with my family and my interests and reduce my loneliness that way.

Am I daft for wanting a few friends?

No of course your not being daft to want some friends.
Have you got any from school to reconnect with, people from work? If you have dc other parents?

No your definitely not daft. Do you ever go anywhere to actually strike up conversation with new people. I met one of my best friends at a child’s birthday party. Do you ever go to the gym? They often have a social side and organised events. Why did your friend yell at you?

You're not daft at all and I'm sure there will be people out there who would value your friendship -unfortunately, you've just had some crap friends in the past.
Do you go to any groups/ hobby classes? Is there anyone that you know who you'd like to get closer to?

Not daft, but to be honest I almost never have time for a coffee or lunch with friends...

Most people my age (40s) are busy with jobs, kids and elderly parents...

How old are you?

I know this may sound harsh and I really don’t mean it to but if you act like a victim that can be unattractive to be around and fetch others down. I’ve been really down over the last few days over a few personal things and then my little one got into a rough fall out with one of the girls sons at a birthday party and as a result I didn’t get invited to drinks last night which upset me more but I probably wouldn’t have been much fun so I went home with my son and sulked. Poured myself a drink anyway and watched tv in bed cuddled with him.

On the other side of it real friends should be there for you when you’re down so you perhaps have rubbish friends too. Create chances to meet new people which I know can be hard when you work, have kids etc. Visits to the gym can be a really easy way to get chatting

I honestly don't act like a victim. I am really conscious of that and how it can bring people down.

I am perhaps more wary now than I should be.

Alis, friend was abusive on the telephone because I wouldn't share a screenshot of a post from a closed FB group. There's a thread on it in aibu because it really rattled me and brought home to me how few friends I have and how the ones I do/did have can be quite foul.

They are not the type of friends you need hun then.

You're right.

Trouble is I'm having difficulty finding new ones.

Have you tried Mush?

Do you go anywhere to meet people hun?. I know it sounds daft but even places like slimming works groups. You get to meet the same people every week?. Get chatting on Facebook. I’m not saying you need to go slimming world but you get to know people. I even got chatting to people by going to the same swimming sessions every week

I can relate to this. Any social situation I see others making friends quite easily but people just don’t take to me. Even when I think I get on with people they don’t seek me out, I feel like it’s aleays me making the effort to start a conversation. I have a few friends but noone I’m really close to. Hardly any family either. I used to get upset about it from time to time, but as I’m getting older I’ve learnt to be grateful for what I have. I’ve been too “nice” in the past but now have started to find people a bit hard work and stop making any effort. Annoying people with weird hang ups seem to do ok with friendships so why can’t I? I do still feel sad about it sometimes

When I was a child I wasn’t bullied, by noone really wanted to be my friend. I thought “adults are nicer I’ll make friends then”

Now I think maybe old people are nicer and I’ll find plenty of friends to go to bingo with.

I’m going to die old and lonely aren’t I

This is not a nice situation friends do have a role to play and they can be agreed positive. I wonder if you haven't met your tribe yet. To focus on the positives you must have something going for you as you have a supportive DH so he has seen your fine qualities. He mentions your family so it sounds like you get on with them too. You didn't mention how old you are and do you have children?

Making friends can be difficult and what makes people click is a mystery. I know 2 ladies from school best of buds but you would not have put them together in a million years.

So to be clear a friend ranted at you over a screenshot . What was the story did it involve her in some way ?

It’s not a nice situation. It’s quite nice to have friends but I do think you have to be prepared to make an effort. Any relationship takes work even if it’s a friendship. I think it must be difficult if you’re not an overly confident person who doesn’t easily mix. I agree that it seems you have a supportive dh and are there situations where you can go out maybe in couple situations?

Achoopichu that’s sad about being bullied, I’m sorry you went through that. I think all these things have a part to play in confidence and putting yourself forward to be open to meet new people and feel comfortable. Hopefully we will all die old but not lonely. What I’ve realised as I run an office Myself is things don’t always change because we are older. Older people still act like children in a classroom or playground. Whispering. Back biting. It’s not nice yet we are bloomin 40. Relationships take effort but if it’s reciprocated then it’s worth it. I’ve also learnt that what really matters is my home life. My partner. Kids. They make me happy. Appreciate what you do have.