Sons first weekend with dad and new girlfriend

[Ohjellybelly]

My ex and I had a rough year a following a couple of break ups and returns I ensured that we called it a day a couple of weeks ago. Following a fantastic valentines day, things all changed on the 16th and his mood and demeanor towards me changed considerably. I suspect he had his head turned but he will neither confirm nor deny. He moved out on the 21st.

This weekend was his first full weekend having our son. I was browsing through Snapchats and looked at his location as its not hidden. He had last used it, 20 minutes after picking up our son and was at an address in our little town.
Suspecting he may have been visiting another woman, I messaged him politely and asked that our son is not introduced to any other women as he needs stability and consistency. The ear bashing that followed suggests that I was correct.

Whilst ex can do as he pleases on the many other days that he's not with our son, how can I ensure that he doesn't continue to do this. I'm not comfortable with it at all.
I can't stop him from taking him but I don't want him meeting or being around this new squeeze.

He can introduce his child to whoever he wants. You have no say over that and no you can't stop him from seeing him due to that.

Take comfort in the fact his new gf is unlikely to want to hang out with a dc this early on. She will make herself scarce or dump him. Depending on the age of dc they will see him for who he is really soon.

I totally understand how you feel and if he's only just met someone else it's ridiculous that he's introducing his son.

However unfortunately you have absolutely no rights to tell him what to do with you son during their time together - just as he can't tell you what to do.

Son has only just turned 2. It's so difficult. I want to protect him, wrap him up... Hes watched his dad disappear from his daily life.
I don't expect to many women to stick around with the ex, and there in lies the problem. No consistency or stability.

I wouldn't dream of introducing anyone new into his little world until I am sure of them and the relationship being more then a simple fling.

But that doesn't mean he can't. Although I wouldn't personally do it he is allowed to. And nothing to say they won't stick around you was obviously with him long enough.

To be fair if it had been the other way around and he'd messaged you after basically snooping on your whereabouts on social media. Would you have given him an ear bashing too? Unfortunately it's early days into you separation. No doubt things feel raw on both sides but as others have said... If you lay down rules for him regarding contact with others it's a two way street that may fuel many future arguments.

It's horrific and you honestly have my sympathies. At two he won't really understand it, it'll just be one more person in his life like introducing a friend or family member.

I understand how you feel, but you can't control what your ex does during his time with your son.

I think the next time you feel like going into any social media site to see what he is up to just stop yourself. You are only hurting yourself. Delete or block him off of everything except for text. It's the only way forward.
Your son will be fine because he is with his Dad regardless of who else is along for the ride. x

I’m sorry you’ve had such a crap time.

You’re lucky he’s 2. To him she’s just another person. Inconsequential. It’s much harder when they’re older.

As long as he’s looking after DS properly just let them twat carry on.

Hopefully this’ll give you the strength required to say a very firm no if he comes crawling back.

At 2 years old it won't be memorable for him.

ThisLittleKitty - Harsh response . FWIW, I am a grandparent carer through the courts and when the father of my eldest gs wanted his girlfriend to collect him from school, the judge told him that he needed to make the effort himself because he would not allow the gf to do so because he did not want any "tom, dick or harry collecting".

Op is quite correct to say that she does not want her ds introduced to a gf of a very short duration. Her ex should be focussing upon his son solely in these early days. Theres plenty of time to integrate her into the family unit should it become a stable relationship. Nowhere has the op said she would attempt to prevent contact, just politely queried the situation to which she received a less than reassuring response.

There is a thread on aibu at the moment about common myths on MN and that you absolutely must allow this to happen, you have no say at all and not complain at all is one of them.

I think the main issue is that OP doesn't actually know if the address was a new gf or not? However I do believe she completely has the right to know who her child is spending time withe and what the situation regarding that is?

Personally I think anot open dialogue is needed regarding this vs a speculation as to what's happening. Will there be overnight exposure? What are the plans regarding future contacts? But dad's judgement as a parent also has to be taken into account that he'll make good decisions for his DS too. If not then that's another story completely. Heart still breaks for you OP it's a tough situation.

I actually wouldn't like it either but he can introduce who he jukes to his kid. No one would stop him unless the person is a risk. I for agree with introducing partners this early but lots of women/men do it.

Jukes=!likes*

I wouldn't like it at all and he's very stupid. I'm guessing your son is a cute babe magnet in his mind.