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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to stop feeling angry/bitter.

5 replies

ThisLittleKitty · 04/03/2018 11:44

Was with my ex from 21 I'm now 29 (he is 32) we have 4 kids. When I got pregnant with the youngest he had some mental health issues which resulted in him being sectioned, the mh issues revolved mainly around me and thinking I had done things I hadn't. During my pregnancy he broke up with me because of it and completely disappeared. To the point I heard from him maybe 3/4 times during my whole pregnancy, when he would just randomly block me and stop talking to me for no reason. Anyway he wasn't at the birth but he got help and contacted me when my baby was about 6 months old. Obviously due to everything that happened I was very wary about letting him back into our lives but he assured me he had got help, was much better, wanted to step up ect. And the children wanted to see him again. Well he saw them 3 times, in 3 months. So basically he would see them once then go a month without seeing them and couldn't see why this was a problem. Anyway he has now decided to go no contact (hasn't seen them since 2nd of January) and no contact at all. I can't help but feel angry that I let him back in after everything he did and then he just walks away as if we don't exist. I can't stop feeling bitter and it's really bothering me that I gave him another chance. How do I stop feeling like this as it's really eating me up! I doubt we will hear from him again tbh.

OP posts:
springydaff · 04/03/2018 12:05

It's going to take time to work through the shock and the grief and the feeling of being taken for a ride - again.

Not everyone agrees with this but I'm a believer in letting it roll through just as it is eg lots of rage and revenge fantasies - until they die out, which they do in the end. Ime if I suppress all that indignant rage and heartache it just doesn't work, I go a bit mental.

Don't forget it's your KIDS he's fucked over. Of course you gave him another chance for their sake but he fucked you all over yet again. Anyone hurt my kids and they're dead, it's no wonder you are consumed with rage. Let it roll.

What a cunt. Mental health my arse.

ThisLittleKitty · 04/03/2018 12:55

Thanks for the reply.

I just can't seem to stop feeling angry. I wake up every day angry, angry that he has left me with 4 kids to look after by myself. Angry that he doesn't want to see his kids. He told me 4 kids was too hard and that's why he hasn't been around (youngest wasn't planned.) but he doesn't mind leaving me to do it all.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 04/03/2018 14:37

Look at it this way...If you didn't give him a chance, you'd have always wondered 'what if'.

At least now you have a clear conscience and can tell your children (in the future) that you gave their dad a chance after he abandoned you all.
He can't try and tell them you kept him away after his MH problems.

Don't be bitter..You gave him a chance and he blew it. The problem is with him.

ThisLittleKitty · 04/03/2018 18:39

Yeh that's a good way to try to look at it. I'm generally to forgiving tbh. As time goes on I tend to get more angry that he hasn't even been in contact to see how his kids are, hopefully it gets better soon.

OP posts:
donners312 · 04/03/2018 20:34

Stop thinking about him and focus on all the amazing things you do have.

He doesn't have you and all you have to offer, he doesn't have the wonderful children and i know its hard now but they will grow up into great friends for you. Just focus on your life and fuck him he has nothing really.

What have you lost - a stupid tosser!! Good!!

Think how you want your life to look and work towards it - and remember anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

It s all about you.

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