When you start to realise

[Towelonthedoor]

That the whole 18 years has been EA! I've started therapy and can see behaviours have been controlling and so very wrong. I don't think people in my life will believe me, oh isn't he so nice and caring! Yerh in front of you all! Where do I start?

I think I'm in a similar boat.
Well done for seeing the light

@Towelonthedoor You might be surprised what those closest to you have observed when you tell them how bad it's been. My friends and family were only honest about how they felt about him when I decided to leave the relationship - I certainly wouldn't have listened to them before that point so they said nothing.

@Zoo33 yes my mum has already said about things from the beginning of the relationship that she noticed. It's a crazy situation.

I think when your in it you blank a lot out -certainly I'm remembering more and more. Also he could be charming to others but even when he was horrible people would tell me instead of him! Have you split up yet? best of luck

@Towelonthedoor It is a crazy situation and I'm so sorry you find yourself in it. It's incredibly hard realising it and then staying away (not sure if you've broken up or not?).

No we're together. I need to make sure this is the right thing before I do it x

Six months after kicking him out for an affair I am still having revelations about his behaviour. My health has improved immeasurably since because stress always shows up somewhere. He wasn't exceptionally good at it either. (Me: 'What do you mean I'm always talking about my exes? I haven't mentioned any of them in years.' Meanwhile subsequently discovered the OW is the spitting imagine of his ex and his passwords were always his ex's name- red flag Doh....)

Why does anyone have to believe you?

When you tell people you are getting divorced you can just say "I wasn't happy and hadn't been for years."

Nobody really cares why others split up. Besides, like zoo said, if you think nobody noticed him being EA, you are almost certainly wrong.

Other people just assumed you don't mind it because, after all, you stuck around for more. They'll speak their minds later.

Thank you guys it means a lot

Leaving (and somehow managing to stay away) is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Realising is the first step and deciding what to do about it is almost worse. But you'll have the support of your loved ones no matter what - it doesn't matter what they believe. Do what's right for you and your well-being, stuff anyone else's opinion. X